


we've opened our eyes and it's changing the view

by reachthetree



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 19:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4233192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachthetree/pseuds/reachthetree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Nick stills, and his mouth is open. He licks his lips. ”You’re with Louis, aren’t you?” Liam nods. ”Seems to me like it doesn’t matter, then.”</i>
</p><p>University AU. Liam and Louis are best friends, and Nick changes everything for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we've opened our eyes and it's changing the view

**Author's Note:**

  * For [liamjackson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamjackson/gifts).



> First of all, thank you for the amazing set of prompts. It was hard to choose but I did my best with this one. Hopefully you'll enjoy it.
> 
> Secondly, a thousand thanks to the people who helped me fix this up a little bit, especially A who got me through a slump where I was about to give up and start over. You'll be named and credited properly after reveals.
> 
> And the title is from 'How big, how blue, how beautiful' by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> That's all. Hope you enjoy!

Someone’s knocking on Liam’s door. It’s 5 bloody AM according to Liam’s phone, and someone’s at his door. Of course, there’s only one person it could be, so Liam drags his sleep-heavy body out of bed to open the door.

And yeah. There’s Louis.

”Sorry.” Louis doesn’t look sorry. ”I just, I can’t sleep with a stranger in my bed. Can I sleep here?”

He looks at Liam with hopeful eyes. Liam doesn’t say anything; he steps aside, making room for Louis to come in, and closes the door behind him. He crawls back into bed while Louis shucks his joggers off. Louis looks hesitant for a second, eyes flicking from Liam’s face to the spare pillow next to it.

Liam sighs and holds the covers up for Louis to get under. Louis smiles and does so. He turns his back to Liam and burrows himself into Liam’s chest. Reluctantly, Liam places an arm around his waist.

They’ve been at university for two months now, and this already feels like routine.

”Thanks,” he whispers.

Liam nods, counting on Louis to feel it against the back of his head. He still smells like sex. Liam doesn’t know how he feels about that. But that’s something to deal with tomorrow. For now, they sleep, lodged together like they need to huddle for warmth when in reality it’s too hot under the covers.

What do you do when you wake up alone in someone else’s bed, Liam’s sleepy brain thinks, but it’s too late to really think about it. He’s asleep before the question is fully formed in his head.

Liam wakes up hard. Of course.

It seems like Louis is still asleep, thank god. He’s still curled up like a crooked little spoon against Liam’s front and it’s all Liam can do not to press forward to get some friction on his cock. The mere thought makes his face warmer, and doesn’t do anything to help his condition. Nothing at all.

Louis squiggles in his sleep and Liam inhales sharply at the rush of pleasure it produces. He needs to get out of this bed right this second, before something humiliating happens.

Slowly, he starts to pull his arm out from under Louis’ neck. It’s still asleep from having the weight of Louis’ head on it all night, making it hard to maneuver. Liam is half-sitting, trying to pull on it using his other arm, when Louis wakes up and rolls over onto his stomach.

”What are you doing.” His words are muffled by the pillow and morning-grumpy.

Liam is just glad Louis didn’t roll onto his back and catch an eyeful of Liam’s erection.

”Need a shower,” he says, trying to sound like everything is normal. He lifts himself over the swell of Louis’ bum and manages to land with both feet on the floor. After he’s grabbed his towel, he turns around at the door to look at Louis again. He’s still lying on his stomach; possibly he’s gone back to sleep.

Liam closes the door quietly, puts a couple of inches of wood between Louis and his own blushing face.

When he gets back to his room, Louis is awake, sitting on his bed with Liam’s laptop. Liam turns his back to him as he slips a new pair of boxers under the towel around his waist and gets them on. Then he turns around.

”How are you feeling?”

Louis looks at him from behind the screen. ”Hungover, a little.” He smiles the smile that means that he’s about to ask for something. ”I was thinking maybe we could order pizza?”

Liam groans. He was planning on going to the gym later, and pizza isn’t energising food, despite what Louis’ hungover brain thinks. But it’s hard to say no to Louis; Liam can only remember two instances when he’s ever done it.

”Of course we can get pizza. But I get to pick the film.”

Louis’ face lights up. ”Deal.”

It’s always Liam who has to order their takeaway, since Louis has a fear of talking to strangers on the phone. He does that, and puts a pair of joggers on before crawling up on the bed next to Louis.

”What are you doing on my laptop, anyway?”

”Just checking Facebook.” Louis turns the laptop so Liam can see. Louis has three new friend requests and five new messages. ”It appears that I gave out my Facebook left right and centre last night.” He sighs.

Liam nods, unsure what to say. This is usually the part where Louis tells him about whomever he was flirting with.

”So how was… whoever was in your bed?”

Louis grins. ”She was nice. She did this thing…”

And he proceeds to give Liam a lot of details he really didn’t need to know. Hearing Louis talk about his cock makes Liam’s stir again, and he clenches his fists, drives his nails into his palms so the pain will make the arousal go away.

This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous, and now Louis is looking at him with an amused expression. ”All right there, Payno?”

”Fine.” Liam exhales and relaxes his hands again.

”Fine, like you’re actually fine, or fine, like you say it’s fine but actually you’re a bit turned on right now?”

Liam’s face is hotter than the sun in this moment, he is sure of it. ”Excuse me for not getting laid every weekend like you,” he mutters.

Louis looks way too delighted. ”Aw, don’t worry, I’ll be a better wingman next time. Make sure you don’t wake up with your boner pressed against my arse next time.”

Oh dear god. Liam wants to die. Louis laughs. ”It’s okay, bro.” He punches Liam’s bicep. ”What’s a little morning wood between friends?”

The laugh Liam produces is nervous, but it’s a laugh, and that’s generally a good thing. A little morning wood between friends. Liam smiles.

”Sorry.”

”Relax.” Louis puts the computer back on the bedside table and lies down, legs over Liam’s lap where he’s sitting against the wall. ”I promise it’s fine.”

”If you say so.”

Liam wants to think it’s fine, but Louis’ body heat is on him again. He takes a deep breath.

*

The next weekend finds them exactly where the last one did: in the dingy pub closest to campus. Liam needs to stop agreeing to drink stuff he knows is going to be terrible. He’s halfway through his ”snakebite” and everything feels fuzzy. That might be because he needed three pints before he agreed to try one, but still.

”How are you doing there, Payno?” Louis slaps his back and Liam almost chokes on the concoction. He gets louder and even more touchy than he usually is when he’s drinking.

Not that Liam minds.

”Fine.” Liam is not fine.

”See anyone here you fancy?”

Liam sighs. He never does. Louis knows this. They go to this pub every week and go through this, and it always ends with Liam and Louis sharing a bed and then moaning about their hangovers to each other the day after.

But Liam looks around, like he always does. It’s part of the routine. There are a couple of faces here he doesn’t recognise. Harry is talking to a tall bloke with a little curl on top of his quiff. They look happy. Harry almost folds in half laughing at something Quiff Curl said.

He turns to Louis to ask if he knows who Harry is talking to, but stops himself before any words slip out.

Louis is also watching them. His eyes are thin and his lips are pressed together. Uh oh. That’s another thing about drunk Louis; he becomes very easy to read. Even from within his nakebite fog Liam sees that Louis is not pleased with this.

”You fancy him, then?” Louis’ words are hard and sharp like hail smattering to the ground.

”No, I don’t–” Liam starts, but he doesn’t get any further until Louis is gone from his side.

Oh no. Oh dear. Liam clings onto the bar to steady himself. He should probably follow Louis. He should maybe try and talk to someone else. He should do anything other than what he does: watches Louis move the fringe from his eyes and then look up at Curl Quiff with a smile. It’s a move Liam has seen Louis perform many times. It always gets him laid. Liam sighs. The only time it didn’t work was with Harry, which is just as well, because he’s a nice friend and Louis doesn’t tend to talk to the people he sleeps with ever again.

It’s rather inconvenient for Liam, that principle of Louis’. He could have more friends. But he has Louis, so who is he to complain?

Liam sees Harry’s amused grin and drinks some more of his awful drink. Louis puts a hand on Curl Quiff’s bicep; he’s going all in, apparently. Liam frowns. He’s about to give up on tonight and go home, since Louis has apparently abandoned him, but then Louis turns his face. It’s just for a second, and maybe Liam imagines it, but he could swear Louis looks at him with a sombre face before turning his charm back onto Curl Quiff.

That’s it. Liam needs something to wash down this horrible concoction with. He knows he’ll regret getting another drink in the morning, but that knowledge somehow makes it even more appealing. 

He’s stood at the bar, waiting his turn to order, when Harry sneaks up behind him.

”Hi.” He snakes his arm in between Liam and the person next to him. ”Thought it was best to leave those two to it.” And he nods toward Louis and the other guy, but Liam doesn’t look. He already knows.

Liam nods. ”Guess so. Had a good night so far?” The smalltalk comes automatically at this point, which is a relief. Alcohol makes it flow easier.

Harry nods. ”Yeah, ’s been all right. Didn’t expect Louis to chat up Nick, but life is full of surprises. That’s the beauty of it, I reckon.”

Luckily it’s Liam’s turn to order, so he doesn’t have to deal with Harry’s life philosophy. He’s too into poetry for his own good. He orders for Harry as well, because Harry is his only friend here now. As they make their way from the bar to a table, the only thing going through Liam’s head is: Nick. Louis and Nick. Unexpected, apparently.

It doesn’t seem that unexpected to Liam, really. Nick is exactly Louis’ type: tall in tight jeans and chest hair on display, cocky grin playing on his face.

They sit down and Liam only spills a little of his drink. He counts it as a success.

”Why was Nick and Louis a surprise?” He’s drunk enough that he can ask and blame the alcohol in case Harry laughs at him.

Harry’s eyebrows shoot up. ”I didn’t think Louis would want to be with someone who’s almost as loud as him.” He takes a sip of his beer. ”I imagine they would fight quite a lot.”

”Louis never shags the same person twice.” Liam shouldn’t have said that, that’s personal and something he knows because Louis trusts him more than anyone. Shit. ”So I don’t think it will be a problem.”

Harry laughs, baffled. ”I like drunk you, Liam. Very straightforward.” Then his gaze travels from Liam’s face to something behind him. Liam turns around before he knows he’s doing it.

And there it is. Louis is standing on tiptoes, occupied with what looks like forcibly licking the grin off Nick’s face, and at the same time messing up his quiff. Liam wonders how he can concentrate on all these things at once while drunk. Liam wonders if Louis is a good kisser. Liam wonders what Nick tastes like.

”Hey!” Harry’s voice interrupts his thoughts. Liam spins around and feels his face flush. ”If you want to look, we can switch seats.” One of his eyebrows is raised in amusement.

”I’m good.” Liam swallows and forces himself to drink some more.

”If you say so.” This feels vaguely worrying to Liam. What does Harry think? He can’t worry about that now. Liam takes another sip, hyper aware of what’s happening behind his back.

”What’s Nick like, then?” The words come out stumbling, hurrying to find their way to knowledge.

Harry still looks amused when he takes a second to ponder. How much more sober than Liam is he? ”Nick is… Very bright. He has a lot of friends, and some people think he’s a bit fake, but I really get a genuine vibe from him. It’s probably just because he’s into media stuff.” Harry taps his fingers on the sticky table and hums. ”What else? Oh, yeah, he’s president of the LGBT Soc, quite passionate about it.”

There’s something hot in Liam’s stomach. It might be a sign that he’s about to puke, but he really isn’t sure of anything any more.

”Oh, they left,” Harry says, and his voice sounds far away. Through the haze of alcohol Liam is vaguely aware that he should probably be angry with Louis for doing that, but he can’t bring himself to.

And then Liam runs for the bathroom to get the nasty Snakebite out of his system.

*

Liam doesn’t know how he got home, but he’s in his bed. When he throws his shaking legs to the floor to go take a piss (and possibly puke again, he’ll go with the flow) he almost tramples Louis, who’s curled up on his floor.

All right then.

He doesn’t have time to stop on his way to the bathroom (he doesn’t end up puking, thank god), but when he’s climbing over Louis to get back in bed, balancing a glass of water in his right hand, he notices something.

Louis is wearing a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. They’re resting dangerously low on his nose, a bit askew, and Liam is pretty sure Louis doesn’t need glasses. They look good on him, though. That must be why he broke the rule.

’No leave-behinds’ is another of Louis’ rules, see. Liam hears Louis’ voice in his head, saying ”if you leave shit at mine, thinking I’ll see you again, it’s not happening. I’ll throw that shit out.” But this isn’t the same, is it? Liam slumps down on the bed and winces; the movement makes his poor head spin. Taking someone else’s stuff; that’s new.

Liam doesn’t know why that thought makes him feel heavy all over.

Eventually he falls back to a dreamless sleep. When he wakes up, half the glass of water has been drunk. Liam peeks down on the floor; Louis is gone. He drinks the rest of the water and feels a little bit better. When he stands up, it’s on unsure legs, but they’ll have to do. He puts some clothes on and goes to find Louis. It seems like the thing to do.

When he knocks on Louis’ door, all he gets in response is a groan. Slowly, Liam opens the door.

Louis is on his bed. The glasses from before are nowhere to be seen. He waves lazily at Liam, and Liam criss-crosses between piles of stuff to get to Louis’ bed. Louis pats beside him, so Liam lies down.

”Hi.” Louis’ voice is raspy. Liam doesn’t want to know.

”Hi.” Liam breathes in, and Louis’ scent is clouded by someone elses. Must not have showered, then.

”Sorry for ditching you last night.” He says this every time.

”’S all right.” Liam also says this every time. There’s a pause, only their breathing in the messy room, and then Liam speaks again. ”You could’ve slept in my bed, you know. Didn’t have to take the floor.”

Louis laughs, a tiny, bitter, laugh. ”Oh god. I was so pissed.”

”Me too.” Louis’ body heat is right next to him. It feels different.

Liam and Louis are touchy bros. They cuddle and sleep in the same bed and it’s never been weird. Liam is used to Louis’ sexual adventures, too, so this Sunday shouldn’t be any different from many others like it. But something about Nick made everything different. Liam’s used to being ditched for someone Louis wants to shag – but he’s not used to caring this much.

”Do we have any food?” Louis rubs his tummy over the t-shirt he’s wearing. ”I think I’m ready to eat my weight in salt and grease.”

”We don’t have that much food, I’m afraid.” Liam can’t help but smile. ”We could order takeaway?”

Louis claps his hands together in joy, then grimaces at the loud sound. ”Didn’t think that one through. But yes, that sounds brilliant. You’re the best, Li.”

It’s a simple endearment from his best friend. It shouldn’t make him blush. Goddamn it.

”We’ll have to move for that, though.” Liam isn’t keen on leaving Louis’ bed, to be honest.

”Shit. That’s true. Maybe we’ll wait a little.” And then that’s decided. Louis turns to Liam and throws his arm and leg over him, snuggling into his neck. The sun shines in through the blinds, making them both striped with light and shadow. Louis’ hair smells like sweat and worn-out hair product. Liam puts an arm around him and sighs deeply without fully knowing why.

”Yeah.” He feels like he has to say something. ”Let’s wait.”

He feels Louis nod, a wild wisp of hair tickling his jaw. Louis’ heart is beating against his side and he’s surrounded by Louis on all sides. It’s strange, Liam thinks, how Louis is rather small and yet takes up all the space he wants and then some. Even when he’s warm and soft like this, his presence is overwhelming.

They fall asleep like that, tangled up in each other.

*

Liam is trying not to worry about Louis’ lack of interest in studying. He’s always been fine before, hasn’t he? Got this far and everything. Still, uni is different. Harder. Also, Liam would have liked his company. But he guesses that’s not relevant.

He’s far from the only one to venture to the library today; almost all the study spaces are occupied. Except the one next to Nick Grimshaw.

Isn’t that just Liam’s luck? He sighs, but sets course toward the empty chair. He’s going to study, or he’ll be damned.

”Hi.” He’s a little winded from the walk. ”Is this seat taken?”

The scraping of pencil against paper stops and Nick looks up at him. There’s a horrible second where Nick frowns and Liam feels his insides freeze, but just like that Nick smiles instead and Liam thaws instantly.

”No, please, sit down!” Nick gestures to the chair next to him and Liam sits. He can feel Nick watching him as he unloads his books and his laptop from his bag.

”You’re Louis’ friend, aren’t you?”

Liam swallows. ”Yeah. Liam.”

Nick reaches his hand out for Liam to shake. ”I’m Nick,” he says as Liam takes it. ”Nice to meet you.”

”Likewise.”

Liam stares at his books. Is he supposed to continue conversing now, or can he study? He doesn’t know what the protocol is for sitting next to your best friend’s sexual conquests. Maybe he’s supposed to hate Nick.

”Look, I don’t know what Louis has told you about me, but this doesn’t have to be weird. We can all be friends, yeah?”

It’s like Nick has read Liam’s mind. When Liam looks at him, he’s wearing a hopeful smile.

”Sure.” Liam nods. ”We can be friends. I just– I wasn’t sure.”

Nick grins. ”Brilliant. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to study. See you for a snack break in about an hour?”

A snack break sounds wonderful. ”See you in an hour,” he says. He bows his head down over his books with a smile.

*

An hour later, Liam finds himself in the small library café with Nick. The November afternoon is dark outside, and Nick’s eyes are focused on Liam from across the table.

”So then I said,” Nick gestures wildly, ”I don’t care how massive his cock is, I’ll never shag anyone who hates Beyoncé!”

A giggle slips out of Liam. ”Good call,” he manages to say. Nick is so… Intense. Much like Louis, actually. And Liam reacts a lot like he did when Louis first came into his life; he feels amazed by the notion that Nick cares what he thinks, isn’t quite able to believe it.

”Would you have?” Nick asks, eyes firmly focused on Liam.

Liam feels oddly aware of his face. He looks down and shakes his head. ”I don’t think so, no. I’m not usually one to judge people on their music taste, but if you actually hate Beyoncé I don’t see how we’d have that much in common.”

”Right!” Nick looks pleased with him. Liam is relieved.

They each take a bite of their overpriced sandwiches and ponder this in silence while they chew.

”Are you part of any society?” Nick asks when he’s swallowed.

”Only the superhero society,” Liam replies, a little embarrassed. ”And it’s mostly people fighting over various nerd things. I thought it would be different.”

Nick huffs amusedly. ”That does sound a little rubbish, if you excuse my saying so.” He pauses, then says, ”I’m in the LGBT Soc. You should think about joining.”

Oh. Okay. ”I’ll think about it,” Liam rasps.

That earns him another Nick smile. His smiles are radiant and make Liam want to smile, too. His stomach feels heavy when he remembers that Nick and Louis hooked up. Maybe Nick only wants to be Liam’s friend to get closer to Louis?

”Think it over,” Nick says and bites into his sandwich again, making the next few words slightly muffled. ”We have loads of fun, I promise.”

”I believe you.” Liam’s voice is quiet.

”Good.” Nick smiles. ”We meet every Tuesday evening. Want me to write down the place for you? Just in case.”

He looks so happy and hopeful. Liam wouldn’t have said no anyway. ”That’d be great, thank you.”

So he hands over his phone and Nick writes something down in the notes. He locks the phone before handing it back to Liam, grinning. Nick acts like life isn’t constantly confusing, but like it’s fantastic and fun. It makes Liam’s face relax.

”Ready to hit the books again?” 

Liam isn’t ready, but he’s going to do it anyway. He nods decisively. ”Let’s do it.”

It’s not until he’s in bed that night that he thinks to look and see what Nick wrote. There’s the place where the meetings are held, and under it: ’I rly hope u come xxx’

Three kisses. Liam decidedly puts his phone away, but he grins into his pillow thinking about it.

*

Liam doesn’t bring it up with Louis until a few days later, when they’re in Liam’s room as usual. Louis is sitting on the floor leaning against Liam’s bed, and Liam is on the bed, trying to not get distracted from the film by the back of Louis’ head. Seeing it makes him think about spooning Louis the other week. It was nice.

”Louis.” Liam interrupts a drawn-out fighting scene. ”What if we joined the LGBT Soc?”

Louis huffs. ”Nah, not me. I don’t need help getting laid, which is mostly what that does as far as I’ve understood it.”

”That’s not all they do,” Liam mumbles. ”There are asexual people too, you know.”

The back of Louis’ head disappears from Liam’s view as he turns around to look at Liam’s face. ”Isn’t that Nick bloke I shagged in the LGBT Soc?”

Liam nods. ”I kind of… Ran into him at the library.”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up. ”Did you?”

”And he suggested I join, so I just thought I’d ask. But never mind.”

”No, no!” Louis sounds tense now. ”If you’re joining, I am too. We’re best friends, right? Gotta stick together.”

”So we are?” Liam feels his smile break out before he can stop it.

Louis rolls his eyes. ”If it’s important to you, sure. Why not.”

Liam has an impulse to kiss him, he’s so happy. He doesn’t. Instead he punches Louis’ lightly on the shoulder.

”Ow!” Louis rubs where Liam ’hit’ him and pretends to be hurt. ”Gee, thanks. Love you too, bro.”

It becomes a lot easier to focus on the film after that. Liam only thinks about Nick once. Maybe twice. Who’s counting, anyway?

*

Louis walks into the meeting like a tiny lion, there to assert his dominance. Liam feels more like a lion cub stumbling behind him.

Nick lights up when he sees them. ”You came!” He throws his hands out and looks at Liam first, which makes Liam strangely proud. Nick _notices_ him. ”And you, too,” Nick adds toward Louis.

”Well, I’m part of the LGBT community, aren’t I?” Louis sounds snappy.

Nick looks confused for a second, but he wipes that expression away with a smile. ”Of course you are. Have a seat, please.”

Liam watches as Louis casts Nick an angry glance before they sit down. He doesn’t understand. Louis agreed to come even though he knew Nick would be here. Why is he angry? There’s a sad animal in Liam’s stomach.

People are looking at them curiously. They all look nice enough, why wouldn’t they be, but Liam is still nervous. Meeting new people there’s always a chance that they’ll sniff out Liam’s insecurity and prod at him until they find what hurts. Which is most things, when said in a way that’s meant to harm.

Liam wonders when the effects of his past will go away. He’s got Louis now, hasn’t he? People don’t want Louis to come after them, which is the sole reason that Liam survived college.

”Welcome!” Nick is loud, Harry was right in that. ”This is Liam and Louis, please welcome them to our little group.”

”Hi,” comes a chorus of voices. Harry waves at them from his seat beside Nick.

”I’m Jesy,” whispers the girl next to Liam. ”I’m the bisexual officer.”

”Hi Jesy.” Liam smiles. This isn’t so bad. ”I’m bi, too.”

Jesy holds her hand up and after a moment of hesitation, Liam meets her hand in the most silent high five he can muster.

”What do you do here, then?” Louis sounds commanding and Liam feels small again. ”This group, I mean. What’s, like, the purpose?”

Nick rolls his eyes. ”We do all kinds of things.” He’s clearly making an effort to sound patient with Louis. This cannot be good. ”Sometimes we just go to the pub together. Harry organised a slam poetry night once. And we do try to be involved in political things concerning the community. Mostly, though, this group exists to provide a safe space and somewhere to meet friends. Does that answer your question?”

Louis’ jaw is set. Liam prays that he’ll settle down. ”Yes, it does.” Oh thank god. Then Louis relaxes a little bit. ”Sounds really nice.”

That makes Nick smile a genuine smile. ”We think so. Right, folks?”

There’s various agreeing sounds from around the table and Nick beams. ”All right, then. Why don’t we take today to get to know Liam and Louis a little bit?”

People nod, and Liam swallows nervously.

”Don’t worry,” comes Jesy’s voice next to him. ”We’re all nice, I promise.”

She smiles at him and her words sound genuine. Liam takes a deep breath and smiles back. ”Okay. Thank you.”

”So what do you study?” Jesy’s focused on him, and Liam sees in the corner of his eye how Louis is talking to Nick. Interesting.

”I study business economics,” he says, and laughs when Jesy frowns.

”I’m sorry,” she says, ”but that sounds dull.”

”I get that a lot.” Liam shrugs. ”It’s supposed to be smart. Ensure a secure future, and all that. But it doesn’t make for thrilling conversation, I guess. What about you?”

Jesy lights up. ”I study music engineering!” She claps her hands together in excitement. ”It’s so much fun, honestly.”

”That does sound fun.” Her happiness is contagious; Liam feels all warm inside.

She nods. ”I really hope to be able to work in music, one way or other.”

”I’m sure you will.”

Jesy laughs. ”Thank you for indulging me. Most people tell me to stop dreaming. But why should I do that?”

”You shouldn’t.” Behind him, Liam can hear Louis laugh, and it sounds surprisingly genuine. He tries to push all thoughts of Louis and Nick aside, but it’s difficult when they’re literally right there.

”So what made you decide to join now?” Jesy’s question pulls him out of his thoughts. ”Since you didn’t join at the start of term, I mean.”

Liam swallows. ”Nick, actually.”

Jesy snorts. ”Of course. Right charmer, isn’t he?”

Maybe it’s just Liam, but the room feels hotter all of a sudden. ”Yeah.” He clears his throat. ”But I do think it seems great. Fresher’s week was just a bit overwhelming for me, I didn’t make all the best decisions.”

Liam is sharing a lot with Jesy. He’s surprising himself. But Jesy listens like she’s actually listening, and not many people do that. Not to Liam, at least.

Now she smiles again, still leaned forward to him. ”Sounds familiar,” she says kindly. ”Well, I’m glad you decided to join now. It’s nice to feel like part of a community, isn’t it?”

It really is. Liam nods.

Jesy spends the rest of the time introducing Liam to people, most prominently her friends Jade and Leigh Anne. They’re all in music, too.

”So when’s karaoke night?” Liam jokes, but all three of their eyes light up.

”Mate, that’s brilliant!” Leigh Anne yells to Nick across the room. ”Nick, we’re having a karaoke night soon!”

Nick laughs and yells back. ”All right, bossypants.”

Leigh Anne rolls her eyes. ”Men,” she mutters to Jade and Jesy, who nod in understanding. Liam feels a little out of place.

”Oh, come on, Liam.” There’s a glint in Jesy’s eye. ”You can’t deny that men can be ridiculous with their man egos.”

He really can’t. ”Yeah, no, they can.”

All three of them chuckle. Jade smiles at him. ”I think you’re all right.”

”Thanks?” They laugh at his confusion again, but it really doesn’t seem mean-spirited.

By the time the meeting is over, Liam feels like he might have made some friends. He and Jesy have exchanged numbers, and they’ve decided to sing Uptown Funk together whenever karaoke night happens. When Louis finds Liam again, he looks happy. That shouldn’t make Liam uncomfortable, but since when have his feelings ever made any sense? He pushes the feeling to the back of his head and returns Louis’ smile.

Louis walks out of the door ahead of him, and Liam turns around to wave at Nick behind his back. Nick waves back and Liam catches up to Louis without saying anything else about it.

*

The next day is a Wednesday and after his lectures, Liam heads to the library to study. Louis teases him sometimes for how studious he is, but he needs to do well. Needs to not disappoint anyone. His parents’ hopeful smiles when he left for university are still clear in his memory. So here he is, heavy books making his bag strain on his shoulders before he slumps down on a chair. The library is almost empty; it’s 6 pm and most people have called it a day.

As Liam starts to read, he thinks that maybe he should have called it a day too. His hands are too dry to effectively turn pages; he constantly has to wet his fingertips with his tongue and after a while it feels gross, his dry skin sticking to the thick pages of the book. He sighs. It would be much nicer to be with Louis right now, he thinks, watching a film or talking about random shit. His mind wanders from the business theories and in a short amount of time arrives at Louis in a pair of glasses that could only have been Nick’s.

The letters on the page below him are swirling, impossible to read. They look like ants line-dancing. Liam has just started to consider giving up for the day when there’s a tap on his shoulder. He jerks upright in surprise and turns his head.

”Hi there.” Nick smiles down at him and Liam tries his best to wipe any trace of nervousness off his face.

”Hello.” Liam looks at Nick and knows he should say something more, act like a cooler person than he is, but from this angle Nick’s long legs are noticeable and they demand Liam’s full attention.

”I hope I’m not disturbing you.” The sound of his voice makes Liam turn his gaze up to his face again. He can feel heat burning his cheeks.

”No disturbance,” he reassures. ”I was just thinking about packing up for the day, actually.”

”Then it wouldn’t be awful of me to ask you to come to the pub with me?” Nick grins like he’s doing something naughty. Is he? If he is, then so is Liam, because he knows instantly what his response to that will be.

”That would be the opposite of awful.” Liam closes his book and stands up as he puts everything away in his bag. It feels good to be on the same general level as Nick again. He turns to him and smiles. ”Shall we?”

”You don’t want to drop your books off?” Nick glances at Liam’s book bag, which admittedly is pretty heavy, but he doesn’t go to the gym for nothing.

”I’m good,” Liam says.

As they walk off toward the pub, Liam’s book bag digging into his side, there’s a vague thought in his head about Louis and what he would think of this. He’s usually always with Louis. Liam pushes that aside in favor of listening to Nick talk about a new tv show he’s started watching.

”It’s called Penny Dreadful, and it’s this mesh of all kinds of already established stories. Dorian Gray is in it, for one thing, but like, explicitly gay. It’s a bit pulpy but it’s kind of fun.” Nick talks fast, breath ghosting in the cold air, and Liam finds himself smiling like this is the greatest thing he’s heard in a while. He hasn’t paid a thought to Dorian Gray since they were supposed to read it in school and he and Louis watched the film instead.

”What about you?” Nick turns his head to look Liam in the eye as he pushes the pub door open. ”Any tv shows you’ve been watching?”

Liam nods fervently. ”There’s this new show called Gotham, and it’s like, Batman backstory. Wicked cool! Plus that dude from the OC plays Jim Gordon.”

Nick’s eyes light up. ”Ryan? He was so hot in a tank top. Very helpful in finding my gay identity as a teen.” He grins. ”Suppose I should check that out, then.”

They find a table easily; there aren’t a lot of people in here this time on a Wednesday. Nick gracefully sheds his jacket and says, ”I’ll be right back.”

Liam assumes that means he’s meant to stay, so he unwraps himself from his clothes and tries to get comfortable on the chair. He wonders if this kind of thing is what Nick and Louis do together.

Nick returns with two pints and a wide smile. ”We deserve this,” he says as he puts them down. ”For all the hard work we’ve done, and stuff.”

A giggle slips out of Liam’s mouth and he belatedly tries to cover his mouth with the back of his hand. ”Especially the stuff.”

Nick laughs at that, as if Liam was actually funny, and Liam feels warm inside. This feels good. They cheers and the first sip of this bland lager tastes like something new is about to happen. Something exciting and extraordinary.

”So how did you like the soc?” Nick leans back and looks at Liam with genuine interest.

Liam flushes. ”It seems really nice.”

”I saw the troublesome trio found you.” Nick grins. ”Don’t worry, they’re lovely girls, but they love shenanigans.”

Liam thinks, maybe I could use some shenanigans in my life. He doesn’t say that. ”They seemed nice.”

”They really did,” comes a voice behind him, and Liam freezes.

Louis.

Before Liam has figured out how to react, Louis has pulled out the chair next to him and sat down, his knee digging into Liam’s thigh. ”You don’t mind if I join you, right?”

It’s not actually a question and both Nick and Liam know it. ”Of course not.” Nick smiles, but his mouth stays closed.

”Of course,” Liam echoes.

”Excellent! I’ll be back in a sec.” Louis bounces to the bar to get a drink, and Liam watches him go with a worried frown.

”Is everything all right?” Nick sounds cautious, like he doesn’t want to step into the snake pit. Might be too late for that, though.

”I don’t know,” Liam answers honestly. ”I really don’t know.”

Nick leans forward and looks Liam in the eye. ”I promised it wouldn’t be weird, and it’s not going to be weird. Just lads having a pint, okay?”

Liam nods, and Louis returns with his pint.

It’s weird.

Louis keeps his leg pressed against Liam’s under the table, all the while shooting more or less concealed insults at Nick. Nick gives as good as he gets, but Liam doesn’t know how to play this game with three players. He’s learned to be comfortable in banter with Louis over the years, but this is another thing entirely.

And he doesn’t know how to deal with Louis’ leg against his at all.

So he stays quiet and sips his beer, because with his mouth occupied no one can force him to talk. Or so he thought.

”Don’t you agree, Liam?” Louis’ elbow jabs into Liam’s ribs and he winces as he swallows.

”Sorry, about what?”

”Never mind.” Nick is quick to interrupt, to Liam’s relief. ”I’m afraid we’ve made Liam feel left out.”

Liam can feels Louis’ eyes on him and he’s so uncomfortable. ”I’m fine.” He takes another sip of beer. ”Really. Do whatever it is you’re doing, but leave me out of it, please.”

Louis’ face falls. ”Fine,” he says shortly. ”What would you like to talk about, Liam?”

Liam drinks up before he answers, trying his best to ignore the two pairs of eyes now watching him intently. ”Actually, I need to leave. Early day tomorrow and all that.”

He ignores their weak protests and gets up, heaving his book bag on his shoulder. Louis looks at him with a sudden vulnerability on his face.

”I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Liam nods with his jaw set and waves at Nick before walking out as fast as he can muster.

Louis doesn’t come knocking on his door until 2 am, smelling like smoke and sex, slightly unsteady on his feet.

”I’m sorry,” is the last thing he says before he falls asleep on Liam’s chest. Liam isn’t sure if he means it, but he still forgives him.

He always does.

*

Liam really wants to listen to Nick’s radio show.

The only problem is, he doesn’t want to do it with Louis. That’s another thing; he didn’t use to keep Louis out of any part of his life. But he needs to do this on his own, so he tells Louis he’s going to the gym at night, and Louis frowns and lets him go. But his gym bag actually contains his laptop and a pair of headphones, and he heads for the library and not the gym.

By the time he’s found a secluded spot and managed to get the web radio working, the show’s already been on for about two minutes. Liam curses under his breath and turns the volume up.

It’s like Nick is talking to him and only him, right in his ear, when he says ”good evening, folks! In case you’re new or something, I’m Nick Grimshaw, and this is Thrilling Thursday Tunes on 106.2, Fuse FM!”

He sounds energetic. As does the music he plays. It’s not anything Liam has heard before, but he finds himself tapping his foot along to the beat. Nick is good, he thinks.

When the hour is over, he reluctantly packs his stuff in the bag again and walks back to the halls. He goes into the kitchen on the way to his room to get a glass of water, putting his bag on the table while he runs the water for a while to get it cold. Since the water is running, he doesn’t hear Louis come in until he’s behind him.

”Have fun at the gym?”

Liam jumps a little in surprise. He swallows. ”Yeah.”

Louis watches him with narrow eyes. ”You’re not wet. Or sweaty.”

Shit. ”Um, I, I did yoga today. Pretty chilled session.”

The crinkles around Louis’ eyes smooth out. ”I see.”

The water is ice cold by now. Liam fills his glass in silence. He feels aware of every movement when Louis is watching him, for some reason.

”Do you want to watch a film?” Louis looks at him hopefully.

Liam can’t help but smile. This is what they’re supposed to be like. ”I’d love to.”

So Liam leaves his bag in his room and then walks over to Louis’, where Louis’ laptop is already positioned on the bedside table with Velvet Goldmine ready to starts.

”Are we really watching this again?” Liam looks down at Louis, who’s lying on his side on the bed, waiting for Liam.

”Shut up, you love it. Now come here so I can watch naked men covered in glitter.”

Liam takes his place behind Louis, wraps an arm around his waist and tries to arrange his head so he can see the screen properly. Louis clicks play and sinks into Liam’s embrace, warm and soft.

This is what we’re supposed to be like, Liam thinks again as they watch the young ”Oscar Wilde” stand up and say ”when I grow up, I want to be a pop idol”. Louis’ hair is soft against Liam’s chin and for two hours, Liam feels perfectly content.

*

At the next LGBT Soc meeting, they decide on a karaoke night, two weeks from now.

”That should give you ample time to prepare to be completely at my mercy,” Jesy grins and Jade and Leigh-Anne fistbump her.

Liam feels a rush of nerves. Louis puts a reassuring hand on Liam’s thigh, as if he knows what Liam is feeling. ”Don’t worry,” he says under his breath. ”You and me are going to slay.”

Liam swallows thickly, then nods. ”Sure we are.” He doesn’t mean for it to come out sarcastic.

Louis huffs a laugh. ”Have faith, Payno.”

The nickname makes Liam smile. ”Of course,” he whispers.

”All right,” Nick’s voice rises over their chatter. ”Remember to keep it friendly, please, this is supposed to be a bonding thing, not a competition, okay?” He stares especially at Louis, who rolls his eyes before he nods.

”Yes, sir,” he says mockingly. Jesy laughs appreciatively.

The rest of the meeting is spent talking about a documentary one of the film students are doing, on self-identity through labels. Before they leave, Louis walks up to Nick and say something to him quietly. Liam watches Nick smile and whisper something back.

Great.

They look good together. Tall and gangly complementing short and curvy. Both sharp and loud and exhilarating. When Louis catches up to Liam, Liam tries his best to act like there’s not a sting of something in his chest. If Louis notices something odd about him, he doesn’t say anything. He’s his usual self, perhaps a tad more bubbly than usual, as they walk back to the halls.

Tonight, Liam sleeps alone. He wonders where Louis is. With Nick, probably. And now, as he’s spinning around his sheets trying to get to sleep, he doesn’t have the energy to work against the sting. It hurts, and he doesn’t know why. It hurts, but he still imagines them together, sees images of Louis on tiptoes to kiss Nick ferociously like that first night. It hurts, but he still gets off to the thought of the both of them, and falls asleep with a heart as heavy as his tired body.

*

The next day Liam gets a text from an unknown number. He frowns at the screen; he can’t remember giving his number out to anyone whose number he didn’t save, and he hasn’t been that sloshed in the past few days. When he opens it, he expects pretty much anything apart from what it is.

It’s from Nick.

**Hii! Nicked your number from Louis’ phone when he was sleeping, haha! It’s Nick btw. :)))**

An array of feelings bubble up in Liam, half of which he doesn’t know the names for if there are any. Louis actually slept with Nick. Nick texted him. 

It’s a lot.

The first thing he can think of doing is saving Nick’s number.

But should he reply? He’s vaguely aware that there’s a lecture on entrepreneurial business models going on around him. Someone’s arms shoots up to answer a question Liam hasn’t even heard. What is he supposed to tell Nick? His heart is hammering.

It’s not until he’s safe in his room behind a locked door that he responds. 

**Hi Nick. :)**

He quickly locks his phone after sending it, then puts it down on his bed with the screen turned down. It’s not a good response, it sucks, and Nick won’t respond and this whole thing is ridiculous. Liam itches with wanting to tell Louis, but it seems so… complicated. Liam sighs. When did his life become complicated?

When he gives in to the impulse to check his phone a minute later, there’s a response waiting for him.

**Are you busy right now? ;)**

Liam’s mouth is dry. He glances at his book bag; he didn’t go to the library today, feeling too wired to study, but he should get some reading done. Especially since he didn’t pay any attention in his lecture. God knows how much that set him back. Liam groans internally.

But his fingers take on a life of their own and reply: **not really :) why?**

**Want to come to mine and hang out?**

Oh. Okay. Liam takes a deep breath. Nick is being nice to his new recruit to the LGBT Soc. They’re friends. They’re allowed to be friends.

He texts an affirmation that he does want, and gets a description of where to go within a minute. Before he has time to overthink this, Liam hurries out of his room and speeds past the kitchen in case Louis is there. Thankfully, he is not.

It’s cold out and Liam wishes he’d thought to wear gloves. He rubs his hands together and walks fast to keep warm, and is at Nick’s halls embarrassingly fast. Before he has time to think that he should wait outside to not seem to eager, there’s a knock on a window and Nick is grinning at him. All right then.

Nick’s window sill is filled with plants. Cacti, mostly, and something Liam recognises from his father’s greenhouse as being thyme. 

”Nice,” he says and does a vague gesture toward the plants.

Nick has sat back down on his bed, which isn’t made, and laughs a tiny but friendly laugh. ”Thanks. It’s good to have something to take care of.”

Liam doesn’t know what to do with himself. Especially not his hands, so he puts them in his pockets and looks around the room. It’s not as tidy as his, but not as messy as Louis’. There’s a Nicki Minaj poster above his bed and some fiction books haphazardly balancing on the desk, since the tiny bookshelf is taken up by cd’s.

It’s nice.

”You are allowed to sit down, you know.” Nick looks amused at Liam’s awkwardness.

There’s that infuriating blush on his cheeks again. ”I know,” Liam mutters as he sits down at the foot of the bed. ”I was just looking around.”

”I know it’s not much, but it suffices.” Nick crosses his legs and puts his hands in his lap. ”Sorry it’s a little messy.”

Something tells Liam people don’t usually mind the mess. ”It’s fine,” he says. ”Louis’ room is much worse.”

He should probably not have said that. Nick raises his eyebrows. ”Really? I wouldn’t know, I’m not allowed there.”

This is an unsafe topic of conversation. Liam desperately tries to think of something else to talk about. The first thing his mind lands on is the LGBT Society. ”So how about that karaoke night, huh?”

Nick laughs. ”Fine, I won’t mention Louis if it’s weird. Although you brought him up.”

There’s nothing Liam can say to that, really.

”Yeah, karaoke night should be fun,” Nick continues, watching Liam curiously. ”Have you decided what to sing?”

Liam shakes his head. ”I’m not much of a singer, actually.” He’s about to say ’Louis is much better’ but manages to stop himself. ”But if I get drunk enough I’ll do it anyway.”

”I’m sure we can manage that.” Nick looks mischievous in a way that reminds Liam too much of Louis for the squirmy feeling in his stomach to be healthy. ”I can’t sing either, if that’s any comfort, but I’m also shameless, so.”

Of course he is. Sometimes Liam wishes he was more like that; unabashedly taking up space even if he’s not perfect at something. Sometimes when he’s at the gym he feels bad for using machines that someone else would use better. 

It had been worse before he met Louis, though. Liam used to be invisible, both because he wanted to and both because no one thought him worthy of attention. Perhaps the former was a result of the latter. It’s safer to go unnoticed than for people to notice all your weaknesses and make fun of them.

But then Louis had come along and thought Liam worthy of attention. It took Liam a while to realise that it wasn’t an elaborate prank, that Louis actually liked him.

”I’m sure you’re fine,” Liam tells Nick.

Nick laughs. ”I appreciate your faith in me, darling.”

The nickname makes Liam’s face go hot again. Damn his stupid complexion and its traitorous pinkness.

”Nicki Minaj, huh?” Liam just wants to hear Nick talk, and not think about Louis for a while.

Nick’s face lights up. ”Onika! My love, my life, my reason to breathe. She’s amazing. Don’t you think so?”

”She’s pretty cool,” Liam agrees.

Nick seems to take that as his cue to go into detail about exactly wherein Nicki’s genius lies, and Liam doesn’t mind at all. His eyes sparkle when he talks about her, he makes enthusiastic hand gestures, and it’s all in all lovely. Liam listens intently, trying to remember specific songs so he can listen closely to them later.

When Liam makes his way back to his own room, his head is spinning a little bit. Both with information about Nicki Minaj and with the feeling of electricity whenever Nick looks at him. He’s happy.

In the kitchen, he runs into Louis. Louis raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t ask where he’s been. 

”Do you have room for me in your bed tonight?” Louis smiles and Liam doesn’t stand a chance.

He nods, and they brush their teeth side by side, eyes meeting in the mirror every now and then. Liam is used to sharing everything with Louis, routines like this. Whatever it is that’s changing, Liam hopes it won’t change them. He doesn’t want that.

They doze off to an old episode of Friends and Louis’ heart beats slowly against the arm Liam has around him. The next day, Liam wakes up with an erection pressed into Louis’ bum again.

So at least some things aren’t changing.

*

Liam sneaks out before Louis wakes up, gets off in the shower, and by the time he makes it back to his room Louis is gone.

He was hoping for that, so why is he disappointed? Shaking his head at himself, he gets dressed quickly and tries to focus his brain on uni stuff. His first lecture of the day is statistics. Riveting stuff. It’s another distracted day, but he manages to take some notes at least.

When Liam gets back to his room at the end of the day, Louis is there on his bed with a textbook on his lap. He’s wearing the glasses he had on when he came back from his first night with Nick a while ago.

He looks up when he hears the door, and smiles. ”Hi, Liam.”

Liam drops his bag beside his desk and sighs. ”Hi, Louis.”

Louis pats the bed beside him, and Liam sits down, his knee almost knocking into Louis’.

”You all right?” Louis’ voice sounds gentle, and Liam remembers that they’re best friends. Surely he can ask what he’s wondering.

”Yeah, I’m fine.” Liam nods and tries to find the words to say. ”I’m just curious, what’s going on with you and Nick?”

Louis rubs his hands on his knees and shifts his weight away from Liam. ”I don’t know.” He’s looking everywhere in the room except at Liam, gaze flittering from place to place.

”He texted me the other day,” Liam continues. ”Said he took my number out of your phone while you were sleeping.” Silence. ”You don’t usually sleep, like actually sleep, with people.”

There’s a deep sigh from Louis, and his hands still. ”I might like him.” Louis looks up at Liam. ”Is that okay?”

His face looks open and honest, like he genuinely cares what Liam thinks. Liam wants to sink through the floor.

”Of course it’s okay.” Liam’s voice wavers a bit, despite his efforts to keep it steady. ”Whatever it takes for you to be happy, Lou.”

Louis opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, eyes flicking down to Liam’s lips, but he closes it again. There’s a few seconds of silence before he speaks again.

”Thank you.” He still sounds genuine and gentle.

”So I can be friends with him without it being weird?” It feels strange to ask, but Liam would be comforted by getting explicit permission to hang out with Nick. He wants to do that.

Louis nods fervently. ”That’s good. I like that.”

A good feeling spreads in Liam. Louis likes that. He holds up his fist for Louis to bump; he does so with a little laugh.

”Good talk.” Liam feels tons lighter than he did this morning. Communication is amazing. ”Can we watch Gotham now?”

”You know my policy on DC Comics, Payno.” The usual Louis is back now, the one who calls the shots and convinces Liam to do shots. 

Liam sighs through a smile. ”I know, I know–”

”Over my dead body,” they say in unison.

”I have sworn faithfulness to Marvel, and faithful I shall remain until I die,” Louis continues with a dramatic hand on his heart.

Liam still doesn’t understand why there has to be a choice, but he doesn’t say anything. It seems to him that there’s no limit to the things you can enjoy; more tv shows to love would just be more joy in your life. But Louis doesn’t see it that way.

Louis nudges his knee against him. ”Hey.” Liam nudges back. ”We can watch Breaking Bad?”

That doesn’t sound bad to Liam at all. They snuggle up as usual, and Liam feels relaxed. Louis smells like Louis, and he’s warm and familiar and they’ve talked. They’ll be fine.

*

Nick keeps texting Liam. Nothing too serious, just songs he discovers for Liam to listen to, sometimes moaning about a boring lecture on ethics in journalism, things like that. Liam responds as good as he can, never losing the feeling that he’s doing something he shouldn’t. But Louis said he could, he said it was okay.

The first two nights Louis doesn’t sleep in Liam’s bed, he almost manages to convince himself that it doesn’t mean anything. They’ve slept apart for longer before. The whole thing is probably a bit co-dependent anyway; it should be healthy for them to get some alone time. Which is probably why Louis is never in his room when Liam knocks on his door, and why he responds with short un-inviting messages to Liam’s texts.

By the third night, though, Liam allows himself to miss Louis. He spins in his sheets, too much room for him to do so, highlighting the lack of Louis’ warm body to keep him anchored. Louis is a menace, but he always used to be Liam’s menace; he hasn’t dated anyone since Liam has known him, at least not stay-the-night type of dating. There was Eleanor in sixth form, with whom Louis went on several actual romantic dates. Liam remembers because Louis had taken him to all the same places, and for some reason it had hurt that those places no longer were theirs. But he’d never stayed the night before Eleanor broke it off, and Louis showed up at Liam’s house with red-rimmed eyes demanding that Liam’s sister get them weed.

That was when Liam realised that Louis was his friend for real. He had put his best puppy face on, and his sister had begrudgingly used her contacts to score them some ”herbal refreshments”. They had smoked it all on the roof outside Liam’s bedroom window, where Louis would later climb in when he’d been out late. It was the wildest thing Liam had ever done, then: only seventeen and he’d never even kissed anyone.

”I would offer to teach you,” Louis had said when he mentioned it, ”but we’re not twelve and this isn’t church camp.”

Liam laughed, because that seemed like the appropriate thing to do. Louis had focused his weed-hazy gaze on Liam, with an expression Liam probably couldn’t have read even if he were sober, and never mentioned it again.

Sometimes Liam would remember that, though, even after he had his first kiss with a guy named Mark, and after his second, too, with a girl named Danielle. Now, as he lies alone in his bed unable to sleep alone, he thinks back to when he had told Louis about Danielle. He had really been in love with her, butterflies and fireworks and all the clichés that feel new and exciting when you’re young and in love. Louis never liked her, and when Danielle dumped him, they’d repeated the weed on the roof. That time Louis didn’t mention kissing, but Liam still felt his slow eyes linger on Louis’ lips closed around the spliff.

It seems like such a long time ago. Liam sits up in his bed and takes his head in his hands, presses on his forehead as if he could squish the memories back to the past they come from. He decides that sleep is unattainable and folds his computer open.

Apparently the site he’d been on last was Nick’s facebook profile. He’d added Nick a few days before, which he told himself was for LGBT Soc reasons, but the first thing he’d done after being accepted was look at every single one of Nick’s tagged photos. Someone with the last name Grimshaw has left comments on every photo, to which Nick has replied with various states of embarrassment. 

The blue and white looks colder than usual in the dark room, not the comforting night light Liam wishes he still had. He peeks at the corner of the screen: it’s 1.30 am. He sighs and opens a new tab, types in ”you” before it suggests ”youtube” and he clicks enter.

He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, but youtube suggests him a variety of Nicki Minaj videos, so he clicks one of them. ’Only’. _Sparks in the air like the fourth of July._ He turns the volume down so much it’s just a whisper; a lullaby with lots of swearing. _That’s because I believe something and I stand for it._

Liam wonders if Nick has given Louis music tips. Probably, but he doubts Louis would listen. He can see it clearly: Nick enthusiastically telling him about this new band he loves, and Louis scoffing and putting on ’Is this it?’ at the highest volume.

Maybe that’s what they’re doing right now. Maybe they’re doing something else entirely; Liam doesn’t want to imagine it but his mind betrays him and shows him flashes of Louis’ skin, Nick’s hands, tousled hair on both of them. Maybe they’re not even together, but somehow Liam doubts that.

He clicks whatever videos youtube suggests him, watching without watching, thoughts grinding on and on. The last time he checks the time it’s 3 am.

Sometime after that he must have fallen asleep, because he wakes up freezing, covers kicked to the foot of the bed. His laptop is still open on youtube, a cold reminder of how he spent last night.

He wants to talk to Louis again, but when he opens their iMessage convo later that day, he sees Louis’ short responses and decides against it. If Louis wants to be left alone with his new love, Liam isn’t going to impose. The memories of how willingly Louis had shared when he was dating Eleanor is something he’s trying to forget. They’re older now, maybe they’re not supposed to be as close. Maybe this is adulthood.

Liam puts his phone back in his pocket and turns his focus back to his lecture. Remember why you’re here, Payne, he tells himself. 

*

When karaoke night rolls around, Louis hasn’t spoken to him for five days. That’s five more nights that Liam has spent tossing and turning in his bed, remembering things from their shared past that aren’t even significant, but seem so in the somberness of the early morning hours: the first time Louis called him by a nickname (P-town). The first time Louis had sex and retold the whole thing to a fascinated Liam. The first time Liam had sex and Louis punched him on the arm. Water running down Louis’ back in the showers after football practice.

Nick has texted Liam a time to be at the bus stop to go into town, and Liam is there ten minutes early. He’s shortly joined by Jesy, Jade, and Leigh Anne, who have done some drinking already if their rosy cheeks are anything to go by. Jesy wraps him up in a hug that smells like flowery fabric softener and perfume. It’s comforting, in a way.

Liam spots Louis from far away; he would know his walk anywhere. He’s holding hands with Nick. Liam takes a deep breath and quickly averts his gaze. Jesy and Leigh Anne are busy discussing if ’Rather Be’ is out of their vocal range, interrupted by Jade calling them ridiculous. Liam feels his shoulders relax. They can’t have noticed. What they could have noticed, he doesn’t know, but he knows he doesn’t want them to.

Nick gives Liam a friendly shoulder-pat when they reach the group, but Louis just nods at him. Liam doesn’t know how to act. Louis is his best friend; they’re so far past cold nods they shouldn’t be able to see them. But there it is, and Liam freezes up completely. Louis looks away immediately, anyway, leaving no room for Liam to respond.

The bus ride is loud and awkward. Louis is engaged in banter with Jesy, passing a bottle of peppermint schnapps around, and Jesy passes it on to Liam. Liam takes it and casts an unsure glance in Louis’ direction. Louis nods at him, like ”go on then”, so Liam takes a swig.

Apparently not everything has changed.

The alcohol burns in his throat, but the mint feels fresh and good. Liam takes a second swig before passing the bottle on to Leigh Anne, who’s in the seat in front of him and Jesy, next to Jade. They giggle as they pass it between each other until Louis clears his throat loudly.

”How about the man who brought the alcohol have some, eh?”

Leigh rolls her eyes but reaches over to give the bottle back to Louis, who hands it to Nick immediately. Liam wants to look away from the way Nick looks at Louis, but he doesn’t, and it feels like he’s broken into someone’s house. Nick looks incredibly done with Louis and aggressively fond at the same time, and Liam can see Louis’ eyes fixed on Nick’s throat as he swallows.

By the time they stumble out in the cold again, putting hats and gloves back on, they’re all a bit buzzed, cheeks flushed and excited grins on their faces. This is a fun night, Liam reminds himself, they’re here to have fun.

Which is why his first order is a tequila shot. He’s just poured the salt in the dip between his thumb and index finger when he hears someone walk up behind him.

”Good choice.” Nick grins at him when Liam turns around, and Liam is thankful for the schnapps on the bus providing an excuse for his pink cheeks.

”Thanks.” Liam doesn’t know what else to say, so he licks the salt and throws back the shot, then shoves the lemon slice in his mouth.

He can feel Nick’s eyes on his mouth as he sucks the juice out of the citrus fruit, but the alcohol does an excellent job of making him care less about that than he would have. Nick doesn’t leave, just watches Liam in silence until he spits the remainder of the lemon out into his hand and puts it down on a napkin on the counter.

”Where’s Louis?” Liam asks before he has time to think about it, but it’s just as well. 

”I don’t know.” Nick is still watching him quite intensely, and Liam looks away, unsure of what to do now.

He better order an actual drink. Nick follows him, leans on the bar right next to Liam, his body heat tangible through his flimsy shirt. Liam decides that Captain Morgan is the friend he needs tonight, and Nick orders the same.

When they’ve paid for their drinks – separately, thank god – they turn around to discover that Jade and Jesy are already singing ’Countdown’ by Beyoncé. A bold choice, but they’re doing brilliantly. They don’t need the liquid courage, Liam supposes. For his part he’ll need a lot more to go up there, especially after the harmonies and shit the girls are pulling off.

Louis is standing leaned against a wall, and his eyes are fixed on Liam and Nick. Nick waves at him, and Louis gives him a nod. Liam nervously downs almost half his drink, closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Louis watching him for whatever reason. When he opens his eyes, Nick is gone from his side; he’s gone over to Louis, and they’re talking with their heads close together.

Jade and Jesy bow to the applause of the few people in the pub, and then Leigh Anne goes up alone. She closes her eyes and clears her throat, and then the first tentative guitar strumming starts playing from the machine.

Liam hasn’t heard this song before, but it hits him right in the guts. ”What if we ruin it all, and love like fools?” Leigh puts her all into it, sings with her eyes closed and her mic-free hand gesturing passionately in the air, and for a while it’s like they’re not in some shitty pub on a Tuesday night, but in a stadium watching an acclaimed artist perform. Liam gets goosebumps at the last line. ”Tell me what we choose.”

His drink is long since gone, and he goes to get another one when Louis is up. He’s alone, too. Liam tries not to think about how they were supposed to ”slay” together. It’s no use. The slow bass of an Arctic Monkeys song starts playing. Liam knows this song. He orders another rum and coke, asks for a lime in it, and when he turns around Louis is singing right at him.

”Been wondering if your heart’s still open and if so, I wanna know what time it shuts.” Louis’ voice is sharp and sweet, piercing through the fog of alcohol clouding Liam’s body.

Louis loves Arctic Monkeys, that’s not new, nor is his love for this specific song. Liam remembers when AM was released, how Louis had made him listen to all of it, playing the parts he liked best over and over with expectant eyes on Liam. That seems like another life, now.

”He’s good.” Nick is at Liam’s side again. How did he get there?

Liam swallows thickly. ”Yeah.”

Louis sings on, putting so much force into it that it comes off as angry, and the girls whoop and applaud him. Liam can feel Nick looking between him and Louis, and he doesn’t know what to do except drink more. He throws back the rest of the drink, feels it settle nicely in his stomach. And then the song is over, Louis bows theatrically, and before Liam has had time to think any more Jesy is there.

”It’s time to make good on your promise, Payno!” The nickname from someone who isn’t Louis sounds wrong, but he’s not going to correct her. He smiles and nods.

”Absolutely. Uptown funk me up, baby!”

She laughs, nods excitedly and skips away to sign them up. Liam takes a drink. It’s sticky sweet and in his mind he hears a line from the song Louis just sang: ”I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you. We could be together if you wanted to.”

He shakes his head and feels the world spin, the wooden interior of the pub blurring together. Nick has taken off again, and Louis is nowhere to be seen. Liam doesn’t wanna know. He drinks some more and smiles at Jesy.

Uptown funk is fun to sing, Jesy is engaging, and Liam thinks he’s not too bad. It might be the alcohol obscuring his judgement of himself, but that was the whole point, wasn’t it? Liam doesn’t remember anything having any point ever. He’s just singing, drink in his hand, and Louis and Nick aren’t there.

The song is over all too soon. Leigh Anne and Jade clap, and Liam and Jesy do a bow while giggling.

Liam feels good. Kind of. He feels something, he’s sure of that. When he lifts his glass to his lips and tips it back it’s empty, though, and that’s not good.

”Whoa, you’re pissed,” comes Leigh Anne’s voice from somewhere. Liam giggles and nods.

”That was the point, wasn’t it?” He’s not sure who he’s talking to; he feels removed from the whole situation, like he’s not actually in a pub but in his bed, asleep and dreaming.

But if this was a dream, surely he wouldn’t be so lonely.

Liam puts his empty glass down on a table and goes out to get some fresh air. The first thing he hears when he opens the door is Louis’ voice. It’s freezing in the night, and the air smells like smoke and sadness; a stark contrast from the joy and warmth inside. Louis sounds angry. Liam holds his breath and stays still, hoping he hasn’t been noticed.

”I hate you. I wasn’t supposed to like you!”

”What the fuck does that mean?” Nick is upset too, Liam can tell, and the more sensible part of his brain whispers that this sounds like a conversation that should have been had sober.

He glances over to them, can’t help himself. Louis has his arms crossed over his chest and Nick has both hands on his waist.

”I just– I just didn’t want Liam to have you, all right?”

Liam feels like he’s going to be sick. What?

”So you were just using me? Wow.” Nick’s voice is so filled with disdain it makes Liam feel bad for Louis.

”But I like you now!” Louis is yelling now, and Liam is frozen to his spot, right outside the door. ”And I fucking hate it. It’s too much.”

”You’re a fucking asshole.” Nick sounds matter-of-factly and Liam is the most confused he’s ever been in his life.

”Go on, then.” Louis gesticulates wildly, but it’s unclear what he’s trying to communicate. ”Go be with Liam. Me and my asshole won’t stand in your way.” Then it’s like he runs out of air. His hands fall to his side and the next words to come out of his mouth sound broken. ”He doesn’t even like me. I really fucked it up, didn’t I.”

Liam can’t listen to any more of this. He opens the door again, and winces when it creaks, and slips inside. Jade and Jesy are kissing while holding microphones with the karaoke track of Lorde’s ’Team’ playing in the background. Leigh Anne is on her phone and Liam doesn’t know what else to do, so he orders another drink.

”Here’s to hoping I’ll wake up with no memory of this tomorrow.” Liam nods to the bartender, who smiles and shakes their head at him.

He closes his eyes and drinks.

*

Liam has no idea how he got home. He wakes up in his bed with all his clothes on about an hour into his first lecture. His mouth tastes like something died in it and he wishes that he were a wizard more than he has ever wished it before, just so he could magically get some water. God. Still lying down, he starts unbuttoning his jeans with shaking hands. He’s never drinking again, he swears it.

When he’s managed to get undressed, he braves the journey to the kitchen for some water. Up until that point all his thoughts have been focused on trying to make his body work, but the more awake he gets the more he remembers of the night before.

Louis.

Liam gets the biggest glass he can find and waits for the tap to run cold while snippets of angry words smatter through his mind. ”I just didn’t want Liam to have you.” He turns the tap off. ”But I like you now.” Slow steps back to his room.

”He doesn’t even like me.”

That’s where Louis was wrong. Liam realises it as he puts the glass of water on his bedside table. A tall glass of water; I’m in love with my best friend. Liam already needed to lie down, but he does so even more now. Everything is spinning. 

He lies down, but the spinning doesn’t stop. His body feels a lot like it did before. Liam puts a hand on his stomach and wonders how long his skin has known that he loves Louis. He takes slow, careful breaths. That’s the most important thing right now, he tells himself. Keeping his body together.

When his phone beeps and Nick’s name lights up the screen, Liam’s stomach does a happy flip. Clearly his stomach doesn’t process the complexity of the situation as well as his aching brain does. He hesitates to open it, but he will have to eventually, so after a few slow breaths he just does it.

**Not that this is any of my business, but louis has gone and made everything weird. You need to talk to him. Sorry about this, hope you had fun last night xx**

Guilt hits Liam like a train. Nick is being so good and honest. He doesn’t know that Liam eavesdropped on them last night. Oh god. Liam feels like puking again. He takes a sip of water and tries to calm his stomach down.

Talk to Louis. That seems reasonable. Only, what is he supposed to say? I’m in love with you but I also have a crush on Nick? This is too much. And Louis said he likes Nick, so what’s the use of Liam confessing his feelings? Liam groans and puts his hands on his head.

Liam spends the remainder of the day in bed. He tries to distract himself with Gotham, and it works a little bit, but there’s a constant stream of ”LouisloveNickLouisNicklovewhathelp” in the back of his head. There’s also a fair bit of guilt for missing lectures; he can’t really afford to do that, but he can barely stand. His phone is quiet after that one text from Nick, which Liam hasn’t responded to because he doesn’t know what to say. There’s a little bit of him that hopes that Louis will come by and they’ll talk it out, that they’ll be fine.

But by the time Liam’s hangover has subsided it’s 2 in the morning and Louis hasn’t said a thing.

*

Dragging himself to his lecture the next morning is nothing short of a herculean task. He still feels sluggish, alcohol lingering in his body and making everything more difficult. Liam brushes his teeth slowly and tries to get into a Serious Student state of mind, but all he can think about is the mess that is Louis and Nick and his feelings.

What are the statistics of friends-to-lovers relationships that worked out? How do those statistics change when you throw in the factor of a crush on said friends’ almost-boyfriend? Why isn’t there any reading material on this for Liam to study?

He’s read Nick’s text about a hundred times. ’You need to talk to Louis’. Liam spits in the sink and rinses his mouth with mouthwash. He needs to talk to Louis.

The lecture goes okay, considering. Liam takes notes and works hard to ignore the myriad of thoughts in the back of his head. It works, but he’s twice as tired when the lecture is over as he would have been normally. When he packs up his notebook, he considers what to do. He should probably go to the library and study what he missed the day before.

You need to talk to Louis.

Liam sighs and sets course to his room. He’s thinking he can take a minute to regroup, and possibly head to the library later. The hangover is still hanging over him like a ghost; he deserves to be gentle on himself. That’s what he thinks, but the universe doesn’t seem to agree.

When he walks into his room, Louis is sitting on his bed.

He’s got his knees pulled up to his chest, arms around them, like armour. Liam drops his bag on the floor and Louis flinches. He’s not looking at Liam.

”Hi.” Liam’s voice seems unnaturally loud to him in the tense silence.

Louis bites his lip, still avoiding Liam’s gaze. ”Hiya.” His voice sounds unfamiliar.

Liam closes the door behind him. He doesn’t know what to do. Does he wait Louis out, or does he talk?

”Is everything okay?” Liam could slap himself. Of course it isn’t.

Louis snorts. ”Not really.” Liam would ask him to elaborate, but he feels it’s best to wait. Louis looks up at him for a moment before his gaze flitters away again. ”Could you come here and sit?”

This is something Liam knows how to do; do what Louis asks. He walks over and sits down on the bed, a safe distance from Louis. Naturally Louis has stolen one of his pillows to lean against. Liam leans against nothing, just sits with his legs crossed and his arms resting on his knees, waiting.

”I’m sorry,” Louis says. Liam blinks. He didn’t expect that. ”I’ve been a right dickhead lately, haven’t I?”

Liam doesn’t know how to respond to that. He keeps waiting. Louis takes a deep breath.

”I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He’s wedging his short fingernails under the seam of his jeans, dragging them back and forth. Liam follows it with his eyes. ”I just– I liked having you to myself. Which isn’t fair, I know. I’m so sorry I did that. But that’s why I went for Nick. I thought I’d just fuck him, and he’d be out of the question for you, and we could go on like usual. But–” He pauses, and Liam looks up at his face.

His eyes are wide. ”I didn’t expect Nick to be so… Nick.”

It’s terribly vague, but Liam thinks he knows what Louis means. He nods, and Louis’ lips quirk up in the smallest, most unsure, smile. It’s only for a fraction of a second before his distressed face is back.

”I like him.” He whispers it, looking down at Liam’s rumpled covers. Liam feels like his heart is rumpled too. ”But, I–” His fingers are restless, trying to get a thread loose. Liam wants to tell him not to mess up his trousers, but he stays silent.

”It’s you, too.” His tone is almost pleading, but Liam doesn’t know what he’s asking for.

There’s a long stretch of silence. Liam has never known Louis to be quiet for this long unless he’s asleep. He takes that as his cue to speak.

”So you like… Nick?”

”I like you, for fuck’s sake!” Louis throws his hands out, exasperated. ”And Nick,” he adds, confused frown on his face. ”But Nick hates me now. Maybe he did all along.”

Liam feels a lot of things. Louis likes him. And Nick. But Louis. Likes. Him. He can’t stop a smile from erupting on his face.

”This is absurd,” he says.

Louis laughs nervously. ”Yeah.” He scratches at his neck and swallows. ”Can you forgive me for being a bad friend?”

Liam nods. ”Yeah, I can. I already have.”

Louis is Liam’s greatest weakness. He looks so small right now, and Liam just wants to wrap him up in his arms and make everything okay. The bed creaks when Liam moves closer. Louis looks at him with wonder in his eyes.

”Can I have a hug?” Liam asks when he’s a couple of inches away.

Louis nods, and Liam leans forward. It’s a really uncomfortable position for a hug, awkward placements of arms and shoulders, but it’s warm where they’re touching and Liam feels something inside him fall into place.

”Let’s lie down,” he says.

So Louis takes the pillow from behind him and lies down, back against Liam. Liam pulls him in close, and their bodies have been in this exact position so many times before, but it’s different this time. It feels closer somehow.

”I have to be honest, I’m extremely confused.” Louis laughs at that, a short and ironic kind of laugh. ”But,” Liam continues, ”I like you a lot.”

They don’t say anything more, and eventually they fall asleep like that, embracing in the afternoon.

When Liam wakes up he doesn’t know what time it is. It’s dark outside, no light coming in through the open blinds, so it has to be night. Louis isn’t curled up against him anymore; he’s lying on his back, with his head turned to Liam’s side. Watching him.

Liam needs to say something to break this charged silence. ”Hi.”

”Hi.” Louis doesn’t quite smile, but he doesn’t look annoyed. His gaze sweeps over Liam’s face, then down, and stops at Liam’s chest for a second before meeting his eyes again.

Liam smiles tentatively. The tiny space between them is something, but he doesn’t know what, doesn’t know if he should close it or not.

”You’re my best friend.” Louis’ voice is quiet and serious. And his hand moves in under the covers to find Liam’s waist and rest it there.

”You’re my best friend, too.”

Louis holds Liam’s gaze and licks his lips.

Liam kisses him.

He touches his closed mouth to Louis’ and prays that he didn’t read the situation wrong. Louis’ mouth opens when he gasps, and Liam pulls away, but Louis’ hand brings him back in and Louis’ lips finds his again.

There’s no more space between them. Liam likes it better like this.

*

The next morning when Liam wakes up hard and pressed against Louis, Louis just grins and shimmies down the bed, taking the covers off both of them as he goes.

”Warn me when you’re close,” he says with his fingers already under the waistband of Liam’s pants.

And Liam does warn him, but Louis doesn’t stop, he keeps going until Liam comes in his throat. Only then does he pop off and catches the last spurt over his nose. He laughs, and Liam joins him, breathless and joyous. 

”Bro, you look ridiculous.” Liam feels light; everything is the same, but better.

Louis rolls his eyes. ”It’s your fault, you know.”

Liam leans over to get some tissues from the drawer in the bedside table. He hands them to Louis, who’s busy trying to lick himself clean even though his tongue is obviously too short. Begrudgingly, Louis takes the offered tissues and wipes his face with them.

”I feel so dirty,” he says, but his voice is all jokes.

”Well, let’s get you clean then. Shower?” Liam hopes Louis understands the invitation, because he can’t bring himself to say out loud that he wants to shower with Louis. Actually with him.

Louis raises his eyebrows. ”You mean together? Or are you subtly sending me to finish myself off?”

Liam’s face goes hot. ”Together.”

Thankfully, Louis chooses not to tease him further. ”Good answer. Let’s go, then.”

Liam has seen Louis naked before, but he’s never been allowed to touch before. He runs his hands all over Louis’ slippery skin and gets on his knees to return the favour. The floor is hard under his knees but the sounds coming from Louis make it worth it.

He should probably feel more scared and unsure, Liam muses when he puts his clothes on. This is a big thing; people talk about ”ruining friendships” all the time. But he trusts Louis, and he’s got years of friendship to back that trust.

Louis is his best friend.

*

Going from being best friends to being best boyfriends isn’t as dramatic as Liam would have thought it would be, had the thought ever entered his head. The differences are small, but they make all the difference and feel exactly right. Now when they go off to different lectures, they’ll say goodbye with a kiss before Louis punches Liam in the arm like he always has. Now when Louis gets in Liam’s bed at night, he’s naked sometimes. Now when they go to the pub, they’ll hold hands and be immersed in each other instead of looking to find someone to take the edge off.

One such night, they’re sipping on whiskey sours because Liam passed a test he didn’t think he would so he’s treating them. They’re holding hands, engaged in an animated conversation about The Strokes when Harry comes up to them looking smug.

”Greetings, lovebirds,” he says and nods toward their linked hands.

”I’m not a bird,” Louis huffs. ”But hello to you too.”

He sounds distant, and Liam has no idea what to say so he doesn’t speak. Harry is much closer to Nick than they ever were, and neither of them have seen Nick since the karaoke night four weeks ago. Liam just doesn’t know how to act here.

”You’ve stopped coming to the LGBT Soc,” Harry notes. He doesn’t sound malicious, but it still makes Liam nervous.

He can feel Louis’ hand start to sweat in his. ”We got a bit busy,” Louis says defensively. ”Why, are we getting detention?”

Harry raises his drink-free hand in a peace gesture. ”I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry if I hit a nerve. I guess I’ll, uh, go then.”

And he walks off again. Louis watches him go and Liam watches Louis. His eyebrows are knitted tightly together.

”Everything okay?” He wants to ask so much more, but he’s not sure there are words to say what he’s thinking.

Louis turns his head to look at Liam. He nods slowly. ”Yeah. I was just. Why did we stop going?”

It had been a silent agreement, Liam had thought. The Tuesday after the Dramatic Karaoke, as Liam had dubbed it in his head, they had been in the library together, studying with their thighs lined up and touching. It felt nice and safe. Liam had thought about Nick, and about Jesy, Jade, and Leigh Anne. But he’d forced himself to shake that thought, and Louis hadn’t mentioned it. He thought it would be awkward, seeing Nick now. The text Nick had sent him, about talking to Louis, seemed like too big of a thing to pretend it never happened, but Liam didn’t know how to talk about it either. He’d eventually responded with a ’thank you’, but that was the end of their contact.

But apparently Louis doesn’t feel the same. ”I,” Liam starts, ”I thought we stopped going because it would be awkward to see Nick again?”

A sadness creeps onto Louis’ face. ”Oh, yeah. Probably.” He takes a sip from his drink and sighs. His eyes look big and unusually blue when he looks up at Liam again. ”I miss him,” he says quietly.

Liam swallows. What can he say to that? ”I do too,” he says. A sip of his drink, which doesn’t taste as good as it did before.

Because he does. It makes no sense, because he barely knew him, but he wanted to get to know Nick so much. He still does. Louis’ hand is warm and sure in his, and he loves him so much, and yet he’s also feeling this. He doesn’t understand it. The hum of voices in the pub suddenly seems way too loud.

”I kind of want to go home,” he says honestly.

Louis stands on tiptoes and gives him a light kiss. ”Let’s go home.”

Later, when they’re in bed, Louis turns to Liam and looks at him seriously. ”I meant what I said that time, you know.”

Liam keeps his hand on Louis’ hip and waits for him to clarify.

”About you and him being friends. I did like it.” Louis bites his lip.

”Okay.” Liam isn’t sure what Louis is getting at. ”Would you like us to be friends again?” He’s holding his breath waiting for Louis’ reply.

Louis thinks for a long moment. Then he nods. ”If he’s okay with me,” he adds in a sad voice.

God. Liam pulls Louis into a hug, as tight as he can muster. ”I think he’ll forgive you,” he says into Louis’ neck. ”You’re very forgivable.”

A little laugh escapes Louis, and Liam smiles. It’s a chain reaction he can’t help. ”You have to say that, you’re my best boyfriend.” But his voice is soft and Liam doesn’t feel as worried.

He honestly feels like together, him and Louis could take on anything and succeed. 

*

 

The next Tuesday, Liam and Louis go to a LGBT Soc meeting again. Louis is wearing the glasses and Liam is wearing sad puppy eyes. They arrive early, hand in hand, and loiter outside the room nervously. When the girls get there and spot them, Jesy speeds up her walk and goes right up to hug Liam.

”Where the hell have you been?” She doesn’t sound accusing as much as affectionate. Liam hadn’t realised she actually cared where he was. People are nice without meaning it all the time; how could he have known?

”Sorry,” he says and smiles awkwardly. ”Things happened. Not interesting.”

Jesy shakes her head and fistbumps Louis while the other girls are looking on in amusement.

That’s when Nick arrives, Harry in tow. Harry’s eyes widen when he sees them. Nick… Nick stops and looks from Liam to Louis, gaze lingering on Louis’ face. It’s probably his glasses, Liam thinks with his heart pounding. Maybe this was a bad idea. He can’t read Nick’s face, but it looks almost cold.

They start walking again, and Liam drags Louis away from in front of the door. Nick lets them in without looking at Liam or Louis once. Jesy raises an eyebrow at Liam. He shakes his head, prays that she won’t ask questions. He honestly doesn’t know what he would say if she did.

But no such luck. ”What is going on here?” She whispers to him as they sit down.

In the corner of his eye, Liam can see Louis tensing up his jaw. They’ve let each other’s hands go, and Liam wishes he could squeeze it for reassurance. But maybe it’s not him Louis needs right now.

”I honestly don’t know,” he whispers back. That’s the best he can do.

Jesy frowns, but doesn’t prod any more. Thank God.

”So like we talked about last meeting, we need to organise an event to raise awareness about marriage equality in Ireland,” Nick’s voice bellows. He sounds like business, almost angry in his firmness. Everyone nods seriously. Everyone except for Louis. When Liam glances to the side, Louis is just looking at Nick with a strange look on his face.

Liam doesn’t know how to feel. He doesn’t know this Nick, doesn’t recognise him from the friendly and enthusiastic man he thought he was getting to know.

And, as it turns out, this Nick doesn’t know him.

Nick delegates different tasks to everyone – everyone except Liam and Louis. He acts like they’re not there. Liam feels cold inside. He watches Louis, and when Louis realises, his face drops. Harry looks at them with a concerned expression, but doesn’t say anything. So does Jesy.

But neither of them point out that something is horribly wrong. They accept their tasks with minimal talking. The tension in the air makes everyone act differently; Liam didn’t think Jesy would be quiet about something like this, and neither would Louis.

Nick is just about done talking when Louis gets up and leaves. He doesn’t look back, he doesn’t put his chair back, just pushes it with a loud scrape against the floor until he can stand up, and goes. Liam blinks for a few seconds before he follows. Before he closes the door behind him he can hear Nick say, ”right, where were we?”

As if nothing had happened.

Louis has sunk down on the floor outside. ”I need a cigarette,” he croaks.

”Okay.” Liam hasn’t seen Louis smoke since he broke up with Eleanor. ”Let’s go get some.”

”I can’t believe this.” Louis takes the hand Liam reaches out and lets himself be pulled up. He shakes his head. ”This is so fucked.”

”Yeah.” Louis grasps Liam’s hand tightly, and they walk away together, not talking any more. What is there to say?

Maybe Liam was wrong about them being able to take on anything together.

*

After that, Louis starts wearing the glasses all the time. Liam still thinks he looks hot in them, which he tells him, but that only seems to make Louis sadder and Liam wants to kick himself. Louis lets himself be held, though, lets Liam gently run his hands over him for comfort. He’s not sure if it helps but he does it nonetheless.

It’s nearing Christmas and therefore Louis has insisted on watching Love Actually. Liam should be studying, he always feels like he should, but Louis says that his brain needs rest sometimes too and maybe he’s right.

They’re spooning on Liam’s bed later, watching Agent Carter, when Louis sits up forcefully. Liam has almost dosed off and blinks in surprise.

”We need to do something, Liam.” Louis sounds serious. Liam leans over to pause the video.

”About what?” Liam sits up, too, getting on the same level as Louis.

”Nick.” Louis’ jaw is set. ”I don’t want to live like this. I love you so much, you know I do, but there has to be a way to go about this.”

He sounds determined. Liam’s head is spinning. ”You want us to date Nick too?” It doesn’t hurt him as much as he thinks it should. But he’s known that all along.

Louis nods. ”I think it could be done. Couldn’t it?” His voice shifts from decisive to unsure, and Liam’s heart aches with affection.

So he nods. ”If he’ll forgive us,” he says, because that seems like a big factor.

Louis deflates. ”Yeah.”

They’re quiet for a bit. Liam thinks about the prospect of dating two people. It’s mind-boggling, but thinking about it, it seems like something he definitely wants, too. If it can be done.

”Should I text him?” Liam looks at Louis, because he feels like Louis knows Nick better than he does. 

”I don’t know.” Louis shrugs. ”He might be more warm to you? I’m the one who used him, after all.”

Liam can’t say anything to that. ”If I were to text him, what should I say?” His fingers are itching at the prospect of texting Nick, at possibly getting back in contact with him.

”Maybe an apology?” Louis looks exasperated. ”Fuck, I don’t know, just be friendly?”

The ’thank you’ from their last conversation is staring Liam in the face. It seems surreal, everything that happened, but it was real and this is real now and Liam needs it to change.

He types out a few different texts, showing them to Louis as he goes and deletes everything to start again. What he finally ends up sending is this:

**Hi. I’m sorry if this is weird but i miss you. Louis too. If you cant forgive either of us that’s fine, but jsyk we’d both love to see you again. Hope ur well. Xx**

Louis gives his okay to that and Liam closes his eyes as he hits send. Then he puts his phone away with the screen facing downward, as if that would make him stop caring about the response. It doesn’t. They resume watching Peggy being badass, but they’re quiet. Liam strokes the puny hairs on Louis’ arm, slowly. It’s as much for his own comfort as it is for Louis’.

When his phone buzzes two hours later, he reflexively grasps Louis’ arm so tightly Louis whines. He lets go and reaches for his phone, hesitating before he turns it over.

”Come on, do it.” Louis jabs his elbow in Liam’s ribs.

”All right.” Liam opens the text.

It’s not as bad as he thought, but not as good as he wished.

**Not pissed off with u liam. Just louis.**

Liam frowns, but can’t help but feel a rush of relief that Nick isn’t angry with him. Louis huffs; he’s clearly read the text over Liam’s shoulder.

”Well, congratulations.” Louis’ voice is sharp and biting.

Turning over to look at Louis, Liam sighs. Louis’ mouth is small and tense, lips pressed together.

”What do you want me to do?”

Louis’ face softens. ”Maybe talk to him? It’s shit that he’s pissed off with me, but you shouldn’t have to suffer for that.”

A surge of love pulls through Liam. He loves when he gets to see this side of Louis. It’s one of his favourite things.

”Thank you.” He leans over and kisses Louis’ cheek, still amazed that he can do that now. Louis smiles, a little embarrassed. ”So what should I text him back?” He picks his phone up again and looks questioningly at Louis.

Louis shrugs. ”Just say that you’d like to meet up?”

With his bottom lip between his teeth, Liam carefully taps out a text. 

**So can we meet? Coffee maybe?**

He shows it to Louis, who nods his approval. This time when he hits send it’s not as nerve-wracking, but he still feels the urge to bounce his leg to relieve some of the tension. Louis puts a hand on his thigh, and Liam stills.

”Put the phone away.” Louis’ voice sounds sure, and Liam does what he’s told. He strokes Liam’s thigh gently. ”You need help relaxing?” He looks up at Liam with a glint in his eye, and oh. Okay. 

”Yes, please.” He puts a hand on Louis’ cheek, swipes his thumb along his jaw.

Louis smiles fondly. ”So polite,” he mumbles. He kisses Liam, touches him with swift hands, and for a while nothing else exists.

It’s not until a while after, when they’ve caught their breaths back and Liam’s body feels lax and content, he checks his phone again. Nick has responded.

**Coffee sounds great. 5 tomorrow?**

*

*

Liam can’t stop tapping his hand on his leg. He’s standing outside the coffee shop they’d agreed on. At times like this he almost wishes he smoked, if only for something to do with his hands. Although in this weather he’s thankful his hands aren’t out in the cold.

”Hiya.” Nick waves awkwardly, and Liam’s breath catches.

Nick looks stunning. He’s always wearing skinny jeans, that’s not exactly new, but the boots he’s got on has a little heel and his legs look infinite. It’s the shirt that really makes the outfit, though: it’s sheer, Liam can see his chest hair, but the floral pattern is conveniently covering up his nipples. But the cold has made them hard and the nubs are clearly visible where Nick’s jacket is open.

”Er. Hi.” Liam’s face goes red.

Thankfully, Nick smiles then. ”All right?” Liam nods. ”Let’s get some coffee, then.”

The coffee shop is busy, every table is taken and most of them have books, papers and computers all over them. Liam should study, he thinks briefly as he follows in Nick’s strutting footsteps. Those shoes do something to the way he walks as well; he carries himself even surer than usual. Liam is pretty sure that if he wore higher shoes he’d just topple over.

Nick doesn’t actually order coffee, opting for a hot chocolate instead, but Liam goes for a large one. They’re silent while they wait for their drinks, and Liam feels uncomfortable, but he doesn’t know how to act like everything is normal when it’s everything but. So he taps his foot on the floor and prays for the barista to hurry up beyond human capabilities of speed.

”Should we find a place to sit, then?” Nick looks at Liam with an expression Liam can’t quite read, but he doesn’t think it’s unkind.

He nods, and right by the toilets is a small table with the previous guest’s crumbs and used napkins all over it. Nick casts one glance at it and speeds back to the counter to get a clean napkin, with which he pushes the mess aside.

”Thank you.” Liam puts his mug down on the now cleaner table, and Nick folds his legs in under the table and sits down. He responds to Liam’s thanks with a quick smile, but doesn’t say anything else.

”So.” Liam looks for some words to say, but he can’t find them anywhere. He says the only thing he can think of. ”I’m sorry.”

He’s looking at the table, but he can see Nick’s shoes sticking out under it.

”For what?” Nick’s voice is gentle.

Liam looks up at him, and Nick’s face reflects the sympathy in his voice. God. He sweeps his hand out in a vague gesture. ”You know. Everything.”

Nick shakes his head. ”Like I said, I’m not pissed off with you. Louis was the one who acted like a knobhead.”

A nervous giggle escapes Liam. He doesn’t mean for it to, and he brings his hand to his mouth after to keep the rest of it inside. It’s just so absurd.

Nick’s cheeks hollow out when he sips his chocolate. It makes Liam feel something. Oh god, this situation. He can feel his awful face going pink and warm.

”He’s really sorry, you know.” Liam takes a stressed gulp of his coffee and almost swallows it wrong.

Nick sighs. ”I wish it hadn’t happened like it did,” he says. Liam thinks there’s more to come, so he waits. Nick bites his lip before he continues. ”He said he liked me, and I guess I should appreciate that, but I couldn’t stand being his second choice.” There’s a pause where Liam swears he can feel his heart beat in his entire body. ”Or yours, for that matter.”

Liam can hear himself gasp, and that’s ridiculous, but it just slips out and he doesn’t have the brain power to stop it. His brain is overloading with ’Nick was interested in me’, in bright neon letters.

”I, uh. I didn’t know that.” The words feel thick in his mouth.

Nick smiles awkwardly. ”Yeah, well. Doesn’t matter much now, does it?”

Liam wants to scream, _yes it does, it changes everything, give me another chance_. ”I don’t know,” he says instead. ”Doesn’t it?”

Nick taps on his cup and doesn’t reply. Liam leans forward. Nick doesn’t move.

”I mean, I love Louis.” Liam swallows. Nick’s tapping intensifies. ”But… I had a crush on you. I still do. I think he does too.”

He takes a deep breath and waits for Nick’s reaction. 

Nick stills, and his mouth is open. He licks his lips. ”You’re with Louis, aren’t you?” Liam nods. ”Seems to me like it doesn’t matter, then.”

Liam downs the last of his coffee, and seeks out Nick’s eyes. They’re slightly widened, waiting. Liam swallows. ”I don’t think you would be anything like a second choice.”

”And how’s that?” Nick’s got one of his eyebrows raised, and his gaze is making Liam’s face feel warm. But he persists.

”You just said you were interested in both of us. Do you feel like either me or Louis would be a second choice?” He holds his breath.

Nick blinks at him. ”I’m angry at Louis.” That’s not an answer to the question, but Liam has something else he wants to say.

”Would you be if you didn’t care about him, though?” Liam’s palms are sweating at this point, and he rubs them on his jeans to get rid of it.

Nick is silent for a moment, then sighs. ”Can we talk about something else? How have you been?”

He looks at Liam expectantly, and Liam relents. ”I’ve been fine. Studying, mostly.”

Nick offers him a smile. ”Always so studious,” he says.

”How’s the radio thing?”

It’s beautiful, the way Nick’s face lights up at the mention of radio. ”It’s great! Sometimes people even listen.” He winks at Liam. ”No, but really, it’s so much fun. I just hope I’ll be able to do it in the real world some day.”

Liam can’t help but smile at him. ”I’m sure you will.”

”Aw, thanks. It’s a tough world, but you have to at least try, right?” 

Right. They keep talking like that until their beverages are gone, about easy things, as if anything is. Hot sips of coffee and firm grips around their cups. Short smiles and restless fingers. By the time they’re done, Liam feels almost like he did before all this. Much has changed, but reveling in the thrill of Nick is the same.

*

When Liam gets back to his room, Louis is waiting for him there. He’s wearing the glasses. Liam closes the door behind him and Louis sits up on the bed, removing the glasses from his nose and folds them neatly before putting them on the window sill. The careful gesture makes Liam’s chest feel too small.

”How did it go?” Louis is leaned forward, looking intently at Liam.

”Uh. Good and bad, I think.” Liam takes his shoes off and sits down next to Louis on the bed. ”He’s still angry at you, and I don’t think I can fix that, but he also admitted to being interested in me.” Saying the words makes it feel more real, somehow, and Liam can’t hold back a little smile.

He stops smiling when he sees Louis’ face. ”Liam.” It sounds like a plea. ”I didn’t ask you to fix it.” Louis twists his hands together. ”Why are you like this? Why aren’t you angry at me?” His voice is higher than usual, strained, like there’s something stuck in his throat.

Liam reaches for Louis’ hand. At the first touch Louis flinches, but he lets him take it. ”I don’t know,” Liam admits. ”I genuinely don’t know. But I’m not, so it’s not a problem. Okay?”

Louis blinks rapidly a few times. ”Okay,” he says finally. He clears his throat. ”Sorry about that,” he adds. ”Thanks for, you know, being you.”

”No problem.” Liam really needs to do some research on how to blush less. It’s just so overwhelming, still; Louis liking him. Thanking him for being himself. No one he isn’t related to has ever done that before.

Louis strokes his thumb slowly over Liam’s hand. ”So about Nick,” he starts again. ”Do you have any idea what I could do?”

”He thinks he’s your second choice.” Liam squeezes Louis’ hand. ”I think you just need to make him see that he isn’t.”

There’s a few seconds of silence when Louis looks like he’s far away in his thoughts. A month ago that would have Liam worry that Louis would rather be with someone else. Many things have changed.

Finally, Louis sighs. ”I have to apologise to him, don’t I?” He grimaces.

Liam bites back a smile. ”You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

”Just because you’re a literal angel doesn’t mean being nice is easy for the rest of us.” Louis doesn’t sound bitter, just fond.

”Who are you and what have you done with Louis?”

Louis punches his bicep with the hand that isn’t enveloped in Liam’s. ”How’s that?” He grins and Liam melts.

”There’s my boy,” he says. Louis laughs and rolls his eyes.

”You have terrible taste in boys.” He leans back, drops down on the bed and pulls Liam with him. Liam lands on Louis’ chest.

”You’re one to talk,” he mumbles into Louis’ Stone Roses t-shirt.

”Oh my god.” Louis groans. ”Did you tell Nick that too, or is it just me you’re this charming to?”

Liam had momentarily forgotten that Nick admitted to having a crush on him. He smiles a ridiculous smile against the fabric. ”No, but Nick doesn’t know what my feet smell like after a workout.”

Louis laughs. ”Fuck off. No one smells good after a workout, that’s not a flaw.” He’s quiet for a few seconds, and when he speaks again he sounds serious again. ”I never had a doubt that he liked you, you know. Who wouldn’t?”

He strokes Liam’s back slowly, and Liam has more feelings than he knows what to do with. There’s so much affection in and around him; it’s like drowning, if drowning was the best fucking feeling ever. He can think of a few people that wouldn’t like him – a lot of them, actually – but he doesn’t say that.

”Thank you.” He can hear himself sound embarrassingly soft, but he trusts Louis to not make fun of him for being honest.

”For what? Telling the truth?” Louis’ voice is soft, too.

Liam thinks for a second; it’s hard to put this into words. ”For liking me, I guess.”

Louis puts a hand on his jaw and tilts his face up so their eyes meet. ”Kiss me?”

They kiss slowly and sweetly, Liam’s arms bracketed around Louis’ head to hold himself up. This is what he’s been lifting weights for, Liam is sure.

When they stop, Louis licks his lips and looks at Liam. Up close Liam can see all the nuances in his eyes and almost regrets teasing him about how detailed Louis describes his eye colour. ”Bluey greeny blue” is about right.

”You don’t have to thank me for liking you,” Louis whispers. ”Idiot,” he adds, louder.

Liam huffs out a laugh and slumps down, his chest against Louis’ and his face in Louis’ neck. He’s pretty sure he could live in Louis’ smell. ”I won’t do it again,” he replies, also in a whisper.

”Good.” Louis pats his back. ”Is it just me, or do you want to have sex?”

Liam laughs again. At least some things are easy, he thinks.

He hoists himself up again to get a look on Louis’ face. Louis is grinning, looking back at him with raised eyebrows. 

Liam grins back. ”Yes, please.”

*

Before Liam goes to sleep that night, he texts Nick. Louis is behind him, spooning him for once, and Liam knows he’s watching. He doesn’t mind. 

**Thanks for today it was nice seeing you xx**

He can feel Louis nod on his shoulder, and presses send. The response comes almost instantly and isn’t a big deal, except how it is.

**Likewise xxx**

Three kisses. Louis kisses Liam’s neck and they say goodnight and go to sleep in what Liam thinks is harmony.

*

The next day, Louis is quiet at breakfast. That’s not unusual, but the way his eyebrows are furrowed is. Liam chews his toast and waits Louis out; pushing him in the morning is never a good idea.

”I’m going to talk to Nick today,” Louis says when he’s scraped the last milk out of his cereal bowl.

Liam’s eyes widen. ”Okay,” he says, unsure of what else to add.

Louis nods decisively. ”No time to waste, right?” He grabs his teacup with both hands and takes a large gulp.

”Right. Do you, like, want help?”

There’s a little smile-like movement at the corner of Louis’ mouth. ”Thank you, but I need to do this on my own.”

Liam nods. ”Good luck.”

Louis sighs. ”Thanks.”

They don’t say much else; Louis budges off to get ready, and Liam is left with the dishes. He does them and tries to imagine the conversation between Louis and Nick while the hot water streams over his hands. Most of the time he’s seen Nick and Louis together they’ve either been bickering or snogging. He tries, but he has a hard time imagining Louis apologising with his tail between his legs and Nick forgiving him.

Then again, he hadn’t ever imagined he’d be in a relationship with Louis, so what does he know. Liam puts the last plate in the dryingrack and goes to shower.

*

He spends the day checking his phone constantly, not knowing exactly what he’s waiting for. Maybe a cry for help from Louis. Maybe an angry text from Nick. He can’t stop clicking his pen in his lecture, to the point where someone gives him an angry look and he mouths ”sorry” and stops. Instead he starts bouncing his foot.

When the lecture is over, and the professor urges them to study, he has every intention to do just that. He trudges over to the library, after some effort finds a table, and sits down. It’s hard to concentrate, though; for all he knows, Louis could have his heart broken right now. And there’s nothing he can do.

It’s far from his best study session, but he’s not entirely unproductive either; he leaves the library at eight with numbers swimming in his head.

He opens the door to his room half expecting Louis to be there, but he’s not. The glasses aren’t on the window sill, he notices. Liam puts his book bag on the desk chair and flops down on the bed, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check it for the thousand time that day.

His breath hitches when there’s a text from Louis. 

**Ok wish me luck xxx**

Sent 10 minutes ago. Shit. It’s happening right now. Louis probably can’t check his phone right now, but Liam sends him a **GOOD LUCK!!!!! Love u xxx** anyway. His phone tells him the text is delivered, but there’s no response. Of course.

Liam opens his books, but stays in his room, waiting for Louis to come back. Studying turns out to be the worst distraction ever; all Liam does is stare at the same page for twenty minutes. At that point he gives up and starts browsing youtube, but lacks the concentration to watch a whole video.

When it’s been almost an hour, the door finally opens and Liam jolts up.

Louis’ shoulders are slumping. ”Hi,” he says weakly.

Liam stands up and hurries over to him to wrap him up in a hug. Louis responds immediately; he presses tightly around Liam’s waist and rubs his nose on Liam’s shoulder, taking deep breaths. It feels like forever before he lets go and closes the door behind him.

He lies down on Liam’s bed and Liam follows. Louis groans.

”Do you want to tell me what happened?” Liam takes care to sound gentle, so Louis won’t feel obliged to talk if he doesn’t want to.

Louis sighs. ”He said, and I quote, ’I don’t hate you, but I don’t particularly wish to be around you either’.” He turns to Liam and buries his face in Liam’s neck, causing his next words to come out muffled. ”I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

Liam strokes Louis’ back slowly. ”I’m sorry,” he says. ”I was rooting for you.”

He doesn’t say much else, just listens to Louis’ breathing and feels it against him.

*

The Christmas holidays are a welcome distraction; Liam goes home and feels the tension from the school stress leave his shoulders.

When he tells his family that him and Louis are boyfriends now, his mum smiles and congratulates him. Ruth waggles her eyebrows with a mouth full of mashed potatoes.

”Took you long enough,” is what she says when she’s swallowed.

Liam goes pink, and she laughs. ”Joking,” she says. ”It’s great. Louis is a good lad. I’m happy for you.”

”Thank you.” The light in the kitchen is soft, and it smells like home. Liam hasn’t thought to miss it when he’s been at school, but now he’s here and it’s so incredibly nice.

”Normally I’d ask to meet your new boyfriend,” his dad jokes. Liam laughs.

”He might come around one of these days, if that’s okay?”

His mum looks at him with fond eyes. ”Of course, love.”

Liam texts Louis before he goes to sleep, curled up under his old security blanket. Apparently Louis’ family hadn’t been surprised either. Did everyone know? Liam should probably be annoyed by that, but he isn’t. It just makes everything seem more right.

 **Have you talked to Nick lately?** Louis asks him, and that’s something else.

 **No, I would have told you** , Liam texts back, because he would. He’s never cared much for secrets, and especially between him and Louis there doesn’t seem to be any point in hiding things.

**Ok :)**

Liam goes to sleep with his phone still in his hand.

*

Christmas passes much like it’s been since Liam can remember; a lot of food and some family bickering. His dad drinks a lot of eggnog and tells Liam that the secret to make a relationship work is communication.

”Don’t go around assuming what the other person is feeling,” he says, slightly swaying in his seat. ”Talk to them. It’s so easy to,” hiccup, ”misunderstand.”

Liam nods and tucks this advice away for safe-keeping.

A couple of days before New Year’s Eve, he texts Nick. Louis has come over, and they’re in his room.

”I don’t know, Lou.” Liam chews his lip.

”You don’t know what? If you want to talk to him?” Louis’ arm is lined up with Liam’s where he’s sitting next to him, leaned against the bed, and Liam can feel his body heat.

”No, I want that, but don’t you think it’s weird?”

Louis puts a hand on Liam’s forearm. ”I think we can handle this. I think that if we talk about it, you can talk to Nick too.”

A rush of affection overwhelms Liam and he has to kiss Louis. When they break free, Liam nods. ”Okay. Communication. I can do that.”

”I know you can.” Louis’ smile is small and fond.

So Liam texts Nick.

**Having a nice break? Xxx**

He would worry about getting a reply, but Louis distracts him with kissing. It works embarrassingly well. When Liam is panting and breathless, lips mussed from it, Louis relents and nods to the phone on the floor.

”Someone’s on the phone for you,” he says and grins.

Liam feels his cheeks heat up as he reaches for it.

**Very, thanks for asking :) ate my weight in christmas food, but it’s all good. How about you? Any exciting plans for New Year’s? Xxx**

Louis nods when Liam shows it to him. ”What are we doing for New Year’s, by the way?”

”I was going to ask you.”

Their eyes meet for a moment before they start laughing. Louis starts tickling Liam and wrestles himself on top of him; for being so small, he’s surprisingly strong.

*

They end up spending New Year’s having dinner with Louis’ family. It’s low-key and nice, even if Louis’ sisters are very loud, and they get to have wine with the food.

”You’re adults now, aren’t you.” Louis’ mum smiles at them and Liam doesn’t know what to do except nod.

He’s supposed to be an adult, at least, but he doesn’t think he’s there yet. But drinking wine is something he knows how to do, so he does. When midnight comes, he’s flushed and buzzed, and kisses Louis a tad more intensely than appropriate for a family gathering. Thankfully the youngest ones have fallen asleep. They watch the fireworks and hold hands in the glistening snow and if it wasn’t for the person Liam knows they’re both missing, it would be ideal.

*

The rest of the break Liam doesn’t see Louis, focuses on spending time with his family instead, so they spend the entire train ride back being inappropriately affectionate in public. An elderly lady gives them a sour look, but Louis just winks at her and slides his hand further up Liam’s thigh. Liam blushes and gives the lady what he hopes is an apologetic look, but she huffs indignantly and goes back to her sudoku.

When they get to their halls, Louis doesn’t even stop at his own room. He brings his bag into Liam’s and slumps down on the bed.

”Finally back!” Liam can’t tell if he’s being ironic or not. ”Time to get my teaching on again.”

Liam sighs. ”Yeah, I’m terribly excited to think about business economics again as well.”

Louis laughs. ”Come here.”

So Liam comes there, lying down next to Louis facing him.

”Hi.” Louis whispers.

Liam kisses him in response. He had kind of hoped for it to lead to something, but Louis breaks it off fairly quickly.

”Look,” he says, ”I’ve been doing some research.”

”On what?” Liam draws circles on Louis’ stomach; at this moment he’s mostly interested in researching Louis’ body.

”On dating multiple people,” Louis says, in that awkward voice you get when you try to sound casual. Liam stills his hand.

”Did you find anything interesting?” Liam fails to sound casual as well.

Louis nods. ”You should probably have a look too, but I was thinking, if you want to date someone besides me… We could do that.”

They both know who he’s thinking of.

Liam swallows. ”Really?”

”Really.” Louis smiles. ”It’s just like, we need to talk about it, and be honest about our feelings, and stuff?”

That sounds familiar. ”I can do that,” Liam says.

”Do you want to look at the website I found?” Louis seems excited, proud almost, and Liam’s heart swells. Of course he wants to do that.

The website Louis types into Liam’s computer is called morethantwo.com, and has all kinds of resources on polyamory. It’s a lot to take in, to be honest. Liam reads over Louis’ shoulder, and Louis points to a line.

_The thing that defines a polyamorous relationship is that everyone involved knows about, and agrees to, everyone else’s involvement._

”It’s doable,” Louis says. ”Look. It’s completely doable.”

Liam nods. It makes sense, it makes a lot of sense – he’s surprised that people don’t talk more about this, though. It seems to him that this would be a good thing to know about before you go around and panic about being in love with multiple people. You don’t have to choose and no one is a second choice.

”So if I were to ask Nick out on a date, you’d be okay with that?”

There’s a quiet moment when Liam wonders if he misunderstood all of this, but Louis nods fervently. ”That’s what I thought of,” he says. ”I just want you to be happy,” he adds in a quieter voice. ”I almost fucked that up before, you know, and I want to make it right.”

Liam kisses him quickly, a dry kiss with chapped lips. ”I love you.”

He’s said that to Louis many times before. It’s always been true, but this time it’s different. Liam thinks Louis knows that, because his mouth falls open before curving upwards in a smile.

”I love you too,” he says, easily.

The confusing events from the first night Liam spotted Nick across a pub seem very far away. They kiss again and once again it seems like they can do anything.

*

The next day after lectures, Liam runs into Jesy in the library. He’s making a half-hearted attempt at studying – even though there’s not that much to do – and she walks past his seat.

”Hey.” Liam calls after her before thinking twice about it. She stops and turns around, her frown changing into a smile when she recognises him and removes her headphones.

”Long time, no see,” she greets him, and pulls out the chair next to him. ”How are you?”

Liam nods. ”Good, good, can’t complain. How are you?”

Jesy raises an eyebrow. ”I’m good, thanks. Got a new and better microphone for my computer, so that’s exciting. Demos where you can actually hear me singing, here I come!” She grins.

Someone across the table shushes them and Liam says in a low voice, ”sorry”. Then he adds to Jesy, ”do you want to get coffee?”

”I’m afraid I don’t have time, I’m already booked for a jam session with my girls. Another time, though, yeah?”

Liam nods and tries not to show his disappointment. Being rejected still hurts him a lot, even if he knows that the person likes him fine. ”Sure,” he says.

Jesy stands up and juts her bottom lip out. ”Don’t be sad, darling. Come to the Soc again? Nick’s been grumpy as fuck since you and Louis left.”

”Oh.” Liam’s pulse speeds up. ”Er, I, I don’t know.”

She smiles and ruffles his hair. ”It’s fine,” she says. ”I really have to go now, but I do want you to come back.”

”Thanks,” is all Liam manages before Jesy walks away, waving over her shoulder before putting her headphones back on.

The person across from him is still glaring at Liam, but for once in his life he doesn’t feel like apologising again. He wriggles his phone out of his pocket and puts it down on top of his open book. It lies there for a while and Liam chews his lips for a minute before picking it up to text Louis.

**I’m thinking of asking Nick to hang out if that’s okay? Xxx**

Louis responds within a minute, bless him. **That’s okay, have fun !! :)**

This communication thing is pretty great. Liam sends three kisses back before switching to his message thread with Nick. There are three x’es there as well. He types his text quickly to avoid losing his nerve.

**Hey was wondering if we could hang out soon? :) Xxx**

Simple and to the point. Liam reviews it to be a good text. He doesn’t feel like studying any more, so he packs up and bundles up in the scarf his mum insisted he take back with him. When he gets a response he’s still outside, and against better knowledge he pulls his gloves off to get his phone out.

**Sure! Wednesday?**

Right. Because tomorrow is Tuesday and Nick is busy then. Liam swallows and his fingers are really cold. He holds off on replying until he’s back in his room.

**Wednesday sounds great :)**

*

Liam spends Tuesday evening at the gym, and when Wednesday comes he’s a little sore. He sits in his lectures and feels the strain in his arms as he takes notes. It’s a good feeling though, Liam likes it; it’s a reminder of having done a good job. Liam as also thankful for the distraction it provides.

He and Nick decided to hang out in Nick’s room again, it’s all very casual, but Liam can’t stop thinking about whether it’s a date or not. The last time they saw each other they’d basically admitted to mutual crushes, doesn’t that make it a date? As soon as Liam is out of his lecture, he texts Louis.

**Do you think tonight is a date????**

He scurries to his room before Louis has had time to reply, but Louis is there and as soon as Liam opens the door he says, ”I don’t know if it’s a date, Payno.”

His voice sounds short, like it does when he hasn’t eaten for a few hours. Liam puts his bag down and goes to kiss him on the cheek.

”Okay.” He sighs. ”Thanks anyway.”

Louis smiles at him, but he seems distant. Liam chalks that up to the book splayed over his lap, and heads for the shower. Even if it’s not a date it can’t hurt to look nice.

*

Nick opens the door wearing a ridiculous shirt with at least three buttons unbuttoned. Liam catches himself staring at his chest before Nick says ”hiya” and snaps him out of it.

Liam goes pink. ”Hi.” 

”Come in,” Nick says, and steps back to make room for Liam.

His room looks much like Liam remembers it, although in his head, the plants were greener. Maybe it’s the winter.

Nick closes the door and they fumble through smalltalk about the break, still standing up. Liam doesn’t know where to sit and he doesn’t dare ask. When the conversation lulls, Nick gestures to the bed. 

”You can sit down if you want.”

He doesn’t move, but Liam takes the direction and sits down at the foot of the bed with his legs folded in front of him. Nick watches him for a second and Liam has time to wish that he’d chosen a different t-shirt, or a shirt maybe, before Nick joins him. Nick sits by the pillow, facing Liam, and looks at him in silence.

”Thanks for having me.” Liam looks away.

”My pleasure,” Nick responds. There’s a pause, a quiet sigh, and then he asks, ”does Louis know you’re here?”

Liam nods quickly. ”We looked up some stuff about polyamory, and communication is key.” Then he blushes again.

Nick’s eyebrows shoot up. ”Polyamory, huh? So what does that entail?”

”Well, basically,” Liam clears his throat, ”we could date someone else besides each other, as long as we talk about it and the other person is okay with it. Yeah.”

”Hm.” Nick nods, his mouth a thoughtful line. ”Is this a date, then?”

Liam’s ears go hot. ”I don’t know. I mean, if you want it to be? That would be okay.”

”Louis would be okay with that?” Nick is leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, and looking intently at Liam.

Liam nods again, feeling his skin buzz under Nick’s gaze. ”We talked about it.”

Nick’s eyes widen. ”Louis has changed.”

There’s a lot Liam could say to that, but he doesn’t. He looks at Nick and catches his bottom lip with his teeth before letting it go again. ”So what do you say?” He holds his breath, heart racing.

”To what?”

”Is this a date?”

Nick smiles and straightens his back up, but not looking away from Liam’s face. ”Yes.”

Liam can’t help the smile that takes over his face. ”Cool.”

Nick laughs. ”So what do you usually do on dates, then?” He waggles his eyebrows, and laughter bubbles up in Liam too.

”I don’t know.” It feels easy now in a way it didn’t a few moments ago. This is a date. ”We could listen to some music if you want? I haven’t listened to your show for a while now.”

”And you want to know what you missed?” Nick lights up. ”I knew I liked you for a reason.”

Liam blushes again, and Nick scrambles to his feet to turn his speakers on. The song he chooses is… Carly Rae Jepsen. Liam doesn’t know how to react. When it gets to the chorus, Nick dances goofily with his arms flailing and sings along: ”I really, really, really, really, really, really like you.”

”Is this seriously what you’ve played?” Liam raises his voice to be heard over the music. Nick stops dancing and nods.

”It’s a perfect pop song! Don’t you think?”

It’s catchy, Liam will admit that. ”It’s not bad,” he says.

Nick waggles his hips in small movements to the beat and it’s incredibly endearing. ”Dance with me?” He reaches a hand out for Liam, and Liam wants to take it, but he can’t make himself. 

”I’m sorry, I can’t dance sober.”

If Liam tried, he knows that his body language would tell of the times when he was constantly tense for fear of being ridiculed. Nick is so effortless, like it doesn’t exist in his world that someone could be mean to him. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. 

”That’s okay.” Nick turns the volume down and joins Liam back on the bed, closer this time, but not touching. ”So,” he says. ”Will you listen to the show tomorrow?”

Liam nods. ”I’ll try.”

*

When Liam gets back to his room, Louis has Nick’s glasses on. He looks up at Liam with a tight-lipped smile, making Liam’s chest clench.

”How did it go?” He sounds tense.

”Good.” Liam nods, still smiling from the joy that is Nick. ”It was a date. And we talked about polyamory.”

Louis raises his eyebrows. ”Really?”

Liam pokes at Louis so he’ll move over and make room for Liam. ”He asked about you,” he says when he’s comfortably close to Louis’ body heat. ”If you knew I was there. So I told him.”

”What did he say?” Louis’ eyes are widened.

”He said that you’d changed.” Liam takes Louis’ hand. ”And then after making sure you were okay with it, he said it was a date.”

Louis is quiet for a moment, then squeezes Liam’s hand. Liam feels himself relax. ”Good,” Louis says. ”That’s good.”

”You feel okay with all this?” Liam is looking at Louis, but he can’t quite read his expression.

Louis nods. ”Good,” he repeats.

”Listen, I need to confess something.” Liam swallows. ”When you and Nick were… whatever you were, I’d sneak out to listen to his radio show and not tell you.”

Louis’ mouth drops open. He’s quiet for a second. ”Okay,” he says slowly. ”Why didn’t you tell me?”

”I didn’t want to make it weird,” Liam confesses. ”Everything was so confusing, so I just, yeah. But I thought I’d tell you now, since we’re doing this whole open communication thing.”

A soft expression takes over Louis’ face. ”You’re truly too good for this world,” he says and presses a light kiss to Liam’s mouth. ”It’s fine,” he says, still so close to Liam’s face that Liam can feel his hot breath. ”But thank you for being honest.”

Liam pulls him into another kiss, warm and smiling and gentle. 

The next day Nick texts Liam when he’s in a lecture. It’s just an update on how boring his own lecture is, and a happy poop emoji, but it makes Liam smile sheepishly nonetheless. He sends back **shush i’m very important and busy :p xx** and looks at the phone screen waiting for a reply. When the three dots show up he feels a rush of nerves, and then it comes: **what makes you think texting me isn’t important? ^^**

Well. Nick’s got him there.

Liam is in a good mood when the day is over, whistling when he walks into the kitchen and dumps his scarf and hat on the table to make some tea. As if called, Louis appears and jumps up to sit on the table.

”I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to do that,” Liam says, but his tone completely contradicts the reprimanding statement.

”Whatever.” Louis waves a hand through the air dismissively. ”I’ll be responsible when I’ve graduated.”

Liam supposes that’s fair. ”You want tea?”

”Do you have to ask?”

Liam smiles and gets out an extra cup.

”What do you want to do tonight?” Louis is dangling his legs.

Today is Thursday, which means Nick’s radio show is on. There’s a hint of nerves in Liam’s stomach, but he ignores them. ”I want to listen to Nick’s radio show,” he says as he hands Louis his cup of tea.

Louis takes it and blows on the liquid. Liam waits. ”All right,” Louis says finally. ”We can do that.”

He doesn’t sound very enthusiastic. Liam furrows his eyebrows. ”We don’t have to?”

”No, I want to,” Louis assures. ”Let’s do it.”

Liam is still confused, but he doesn’t press it any more. They’re being honest, surely Louis would have said something. He takes a sip of his tea and smiles at Louis.

They listen curled up on Liam’s bed, Louis’ fingers intwined with Liam’s where his hand rests on Louis’ stomach. Nick talks fast and Liam listens with his heart beating rapidly. Liam had expected Louis to talk during the songs, be snarky maybe, but he stays quiet. It feels like the show goes on forever but Liam doesn’t mind.

”Well,” Louis says when Nick has said goodbye. Liam waits for the follow-up, but it doesn’t come.

”What did you think?” He can feel Louis’ stomach tense under his hand.

”It was okay.” Louis turns around to face Liam, and looks at him with an unreadable expression. It only lasts for a second before he leans in for a kiss. Liam welcomes it with soft lips. He’s just opened his mouth to welcome Louis’ tongue when his phone goes off and Louis pulls away.

”You can get that if you want.” His lips are pressed together and Liam’s mouth is still open.

”Okay?” Liam reaches for his phone. The text is from Nick.

**So did ya listen?? Xxx**

Liam smiles at his phone. **Yeah me and lou listened! Ur brilliant :) xxx**

He’s just pressed send when Louis pokes him in the ribs. ”What’s it say?”

”Nick wonders if we listened to him.” Liam looks at Louis and grins helplessly.

Louis is quiet for a bit, and keeps poking at Liam’s torso absentmindedly. ”Did he really ask if _we_ listened?” He asks after a while, staring somewhere around Liam’s nipples.

”I mean, ’you’ can mean both? But it felt like a ’we’ to me.”

”Hm.” Louis stills. The silence between them feels charged. Liam doesn’t like it.

”Lou,” he starts. ”I wanted to ask Nick out on an actual date. Would that be okay?”

Louis takes Liam’s hand then, and looks at it instead of at Liam’s face. He nods. ”Sure,” he says airily. ”Of course.”

Liam lifts their joined hands and kisses Louis’ knuckles. ”Thank you,” he mumbles.

There’s a hint of pink on Louis’ cheeks when he mutters ”no problem” in response.

*

Liam hasn’t gone on many official dates. There were a few movie dates with Danielle, which Liam appreciated because during a film you don’t have to talk and thus can’t mess up as much. Plus it’s nice to hold hands in a dark cinema.

But a movie seems like too mellow a date for the whirlwind that is Nick. Liam spends days googling stuff like ”cute winter dates” and ”stuff to do in january without freezing your bollocks off”. When he finally decides on what they’ll do, he’s quite proud of himself. Louis actually laughs when Liam tells him about it.

It’s a Saturday when they meet at the shopping centre. So the Salford shopping centre isn’t the most romantic place in the world. There are more poundshops than anything, but Liam has faith. This will be good. Nick greets him with his hands firmly lodged in the pockets of his huge army-green jacket, and raised eyebrows.

”Taking me shopping, eh? Didn’t pin you for a sugardaddy type, if I’m honest.”

Liam laughs. ”It’s not that.”

He pulls an old matchbox out of his pocket, opens it, and offers it to Nick.

”Are we burning this place down?” Nick looks excited at the prospect.

”Just take one, please.” Liam’s heart is hammering in his chest when Nick finally pulls out one of the notes that Liam has carefully scribbled on and folded into a tiny square so all of them will fit.

”Take a selfie with a security guard,” Nick reads. ”Two points.” He looks up from the note and raises his eyebrows at Liam. ”It’s a game?”

Liam nods proudly. ”Most points wins, obviously.”

Nick grins. ”Prepare to lose,” he says. And then he’s off to find a security guard, Liam still standing with the matchbox in his hand. He closes it and hurries after him.

”Don’t you want to know what I’m going to do?”

”Aren’t you going to do the same?” Nick looks confused.

There were no instructions to suggest that they’d both be doing the same. Liam frowns. ”I don’t know. What do you think?”

”I think I want to see you take a selfie with a security guard.”

Well, if Nick wants it. 

It takes Nick less than a minute to find a young security guard, who looks around nervously before saying yes to a picture.

”As long as you don’t post it anywhere online,” she says. ”I’d probably get fired for that.”

”Of course I won’t jeopardise your career, love,” Nick assures, and then he leans close her and makes his best duckface for the selfie. It looks a lot easier than Liam had imagined it beforehand.

”Two points to me,” Nick says proudly when he walks up to Liam again. ”Your turn.”

Liam swallows. It’s probably cheating to use the same one twice, not to mention it would probably seem weird, so he starts walking to find someone else. They spot someone in a guard-ish outfit eating at the KFC, but Liam doesn’t want to disturb someone when they’re eating.

”Are you giving up already?” Nick looks at Liam expectantly, but that’s something Liam really can’t do.

He nods. ”I’m taking another one,” he says, and pulls out his matchbox again. Two notes get stuck together at first, but he chooses one of them and when he unfolds it, he reads aloud, ”look up at the ceiling and see how many people copy you. One point for each person who does.”

”Ooh, that old trick.” Nick rubs his hands together. ”Can I do it too?”

Liam shakes his head. ”You’re supposed to count.”

Nick’s hands drop. ”All right. Be believable, Payno!”

There’s a warmth spreading in Liam’s chest when he walks away from Nick to find a crowded spot for his little stunt. The most amount of people are coming in and out of Boots, so he walks towards it too, but a few metres from the entrance he stops and looks up at the ceiling. The roof is highly uninteresting, but he makes an exaggerated ’wow’ face, puts a thoughtful hand on his chin, and everything. He doesn’t glance sideways from fear of giving himself away. Just when he starts to feel a strain in his neck from looking up, a hand on his shoulder makes him jump and look down. It’s Nick.

”That’s enough,” he grumbles. ”Six people looked up.”

”Yes!” Liam punches the air. ”Six points to me!”

Nick shakes his head. ”Unfair,” he mumbles. ”I know I said to believable, but you went all out.”

Liam grins and pulls the matchbox out. ”You can hope for another high point challenge,” he says helpfully.

”People are looking at us,” Nick says while he carefully plucks a note out. Liam looks around and people do seem to be looking twice at them. Maybe the Salford shopping centre doesn’t see many shenanigans. 

”Put a sample lipstick on.” Nick looks at Liam with disbelief. ”That’s gross.” He looks at the note again and groans. ”It’s ten bloody points.”

Liam shrugs. ”If you want to forfeit that’s your call, but I didn’t think you’d be the type to go back on a dare.”

Nick’s eyes narrow. ”Fine.” He marches into Boots, and Liam closes his box and scurries after him.

Nick chooses a hot pink lipstick, and crouches down to look in the mirror as he slowly drags it over his lips. They’re a little chapped and the colour catches in the small skin flakes, but it shines and glows bright. Nick smacks his lips and turns to face Liam. Liam blinks.

Nick looks incredibly hot in pink lipstick. His cheeks are flushed, either from the cold or from the dare, and Liam has failed to notice just how full his lips are. Until now.

”Well?” Nick looks at him and smirks.

Liam knows his face is pink, too. ”That’s, er, that’s good. Yeah.”

”Ten points to me.” Nick grins, and it’s all Liam can do to nod and accept Nick as the winner.

Nick doesn’t remove the lipstick. A few people turn their heads to look at him. Liam doesn’t blame them. Nick is a vision, messy bright pink lips and confident stride. Liam is in awe.

”Are you hungry?” Nick looks sideways to meet Liam’s eyes. ”I could use a snack, to be honest.”

Liam nods. He feels like the dares are over; nothing can top Nick in lipstick. Fucking christ. ”What do you want?”

Nick grins. ”I want an ice cream.”

”It’s winter,” Liam deadpans. 

”So?” Nick shrugs.

They get ice cream from Iceland, because that seems cheapest. Of course, Nick opts for the most phallic one. When they’ve found a bench to settle down on, he wraps his pink lips around it and shoves it in as deep as he can. Liam closes his eyes and pretends he’s not half hard. When he opens them again there are pink lipstick marks around Nick’s ice lolly. Liam blinks.

Nick licks his lips, which are less pink now, and smiles innocently. ”You all right there?”

”Of course.” Liam is talking to his own vanilla ice cream. ”I’m spectacular.” He swallows. ”Do you, er. Do you always do this on dates?”

”Wear lipstick?” Nick laughs. ”Definitely not.”

Liam doesn’t know what to say, so he takes a bite of his ice cream and feels the sting in his teeth. Nick clears his throat, and Liam automatically looks at him. 

”I did that for you, you know.” The laughter is gone from Nick’s voice now. Liam feels like a whole garden has sprung into blossom inside his chest.

”Thank you for that, then.”

That seems to have been the right thing to say, because Nick laughs again. ”It was fun to watch you get all embarrassed,” he admits. He looks at Liam and Liam can feel his cheeks burning again. ”You like it, don’t you?”

”It looks good,” Liam says weakly.

”I hope I don’t get cold sores,” Nick says at the same time as Liam blurts, ”I want to kiss you.”

Nick’s mouth drops open for a second before he smiles. ”But what if I have cold sores from this lipstick,” he says jokingly.

”We don’t have to,” Liam mumbles. ”Sorry.”

”No, no!” Nick throws the remainder of his lolly away and takes Liam’s ice cream-free hand. ”I was just joking. I want to kiss you. With your lips you don’t even need lipstick, to be honest.”

Liam reaches to the side of the bench and throws his ice cream in the bin next to it. He feel electric, like Nick is sending shock-waves through his hand. ”Okay.”

And then Nick moves closer, until their thighs are touching, and he’s still holding Liam’s hand, but the other comes up to cup his face. His eyes look wondrous from this close. They’re scanning Liam’s face, as if to look for signs of doubt. Liam nods in response to the unspoken question. Yes, please. For a moment, Louis flicks through his mind and he feels a pang of guilt, but when it happens it’s as if nothing else exists.

Nick’s hand is still on Liam’s jaw when he kisses him. Their lips meet and it’s like holding someone’s hand on top of a rollercoaster; there’s some kind of safety in the thrill. The lipstick is sticky and Liam wants to kiss Nick until the chemical taste is gone. It’s over far too soon; Nick pulls back and smiles, lets his hand slide down from Liam’s face and land in his lap.

When Liam licks his lips, they taste like lipstick.

”How was that?” Nick’s voice is low, almost whispering.

”Perfect.” Liam doesn’t hesitate. It was, even with people walking past them and the unceremonious lighting in the shopping centre.

”I agree.” Nick’s face changes from serious to mischievous. ”After all, I won the game.”

Liam can feels people’s eyes on him as he starts to laugh.

*

The cold nips at Liam’s nose when he walks from the bus stop, but he feels warm inside. His lips are still tacky from lipstick remains and he keeps squeezing the matchbox in his pocket. He’s whistling when he enters his room, and starts to unwrap the scarf around his neck.

Louis isn’t there. Liam had expected him to be, and he chastises himself. Obviously Louis has other things to do than wait around for Liam all the time. Once he’s undressed, he looks around his room pondering what to do. He should study, but it’s Saturday, so he decides that studying can wait for the week. Instead, he goes to the gym to work off some of that energy.

When he gets back, water stiffening his damp hair, Louis is there. Liam smiles. A few months ago, this is not how his weekend would have gone.

”Hiya.” Louis waves from the bed. He’s in joggers and, as far as Liam can tell, nothing else.

Liam puts his bag down and joins Louis. ”Hi,” he mumbles into Louis’ shoulder. He smells very Louis-y.

Louis stiffens. ”How was it, then?”

”It was great.” Liam makes a pause, the kiss very much fresh in his memory. ”We had fun.”

”Good. So did you, you know, do anything?” Louis’ fists are clenched.

Liam removes his head from Louis’ shoulder to look at him properly. His mouth is a thin line and his eyebrows are raised in question.

”Uh. I mean, there was a kiss?” Liam furrows his eyebrows. He’s not sure what’s going on.

Louis’ eyes narrow. ”Did you like it?”

How is Liam supposed to answer that. ”Yes,” he admits. There’s a beat of silence, and then he asks, ”was I not supposed to?”

Louis doesn’t respond right away. He sighs, and his features soften. ”I’m sorry.” The bite is gone from his voice now, and Liam relaxes a little bit. ”It’s just– We’ve never been on a proper date, have we?”

Oh. ”Are you jealous?” Liam has a vague memory of there being an article about jealousy on that site; maybe they should do more research.

Louis looks embarrassed. ”Little bit.”

Liam takes his hand then, strokes his thumb over the knuckles. ”What do you want, then? What would make you feel better?”

”I think an actual date would be good. You know, outside our rooms.” Louis looks at Liam and smiles.

They have been awfully holed up, haven’t they? Liam smiles back. ”I’d love that.”

The rest of the night is peaceful. Liam gets a text from Nick, saying he had a good time, and Louis nudges him in the ribs and waggles his eyebrows.

”My boy, the dating expert.” He presses a kiss on Liam’s shoulder.

Liam blushes and types out his **likewise xxx**.

*

The next day, Liam takes Louis to see Age of Ultron. Louis is practically jumping when they’re in line for their tickets, the tip of his knitted hat bobbing up and down.

”This is gonna be sick!” He looks around the theatre with bright eyes.

”I’m sure it will be.” Liam has to smile. Louis has said that same thing about fifteen times since they made the plan late last night, and Liam has responded some variation of this every time.

When they find their seats, the first thing Louis does is pour some popcorn on Liam’s lap.

”What a great popcorn bowl.” He grins. ”I always suspected this boyfriend deal was good for something.”

Liam has opened his mouth to object to being referred to as a kitchenware, but the word ’boyfriend’ completely disarmed him. Louis looks at his open mouth with glee and takes a helping of popcorn from the improvised ”bowl”’.

”I’m glad you’re having fun,” is what Liam ends up saying.

Louis grins at him with a mouth full of popcorn.

*

The movie doesn’t end up as great as Louis anticipated. When they leave, he’s just as animated as when they arrived, only this time with annoyance.

”I hate Joss Whedon.” He clenches his fist. ”He fucking changed backstories? No bloody respect for canon at all.”

”I’m sorry.” Liam pulls his hand back, stopping the reflex from taking Louis’. But Louis stops in his stride and offers a hand.

”You were brilliant, though,” he says. Liam takes his hand, only stopping to remove their gloves when they get on the bus. Once seated, Liam finds Louis’ hand again, and listens to the rest of Louis’ rant about the movie, which he’s renamed ”Age of Bullshit”.

All in all, Liam deems his and Louis’ first official date a success.

*

Nick is turning out to be a great hindrance for Liam’s schoolwork. How is he supposed to focus on why communism isn’t feasible and other ridiculous theories when Nick sends him selfies with his plants? Liam grins at his phone and when the lecture is over he’s taken all of one note. One sentence, on top of an otherwise blank page.

It’s February by now, almost the end of, and Liam can’t use ’start of term’ as a reason to slack off anymore. Although the real reason is that dating two people is time-consuming. His weekends are usually divided into one Nick day and one Louis day. It’s lovely, but sometimes he feels like the child of divorced parents, having to live one week with one and one with the other. Liam sighs. After the lecture is over, he drags himself to the library and decidedly turns his phone off. No more distractions.

It works for a miraculous two hours. Liam breathes out in relief when he realises how much time has passed. He’s still got it. He’s going to be fine. Just as he licks his finger to turn to the next page of History of Economic Theories, someone taps his shoulder. Liam jumps in his seat and turns around.

”Hiya.” Nick waves at him with a lopsided smile on his face.

”Hey.” Liam tries to keep his voice down, but he still gets a grumpy look from someone. Nick rolls his eyes at the grumpy person, then looks to Liam and makes a questioning gesture toward the exit.

Liam nods. He’s actually thankful to have an excuse to leave.

As soon as they get outside, Nick stops him and leans in for a kiss. Liam grants him it, although he’s still not used to public displays of affection with someone who isn’t Louis. It’s silly, he knows; Louis has okayed Liam having sex with Nick, for fuck’s sake, he wouldn’t mind a kiss in public. But Liam still feels it.

”Hi,” Nick says again when their lips part.

”Hello, you monster.” Liam smiles as Nick predictably starts rapping Nicki Minaj’s verse from Monster. He’s awful at it, but his enthusiasm is beautiful. They start walking, the implication that they’re going to hang out not needing to be voiced, and the words from Nick’s mouth turn white in the cold air. When he’s done, he stops to make a bow.

Liam claps, the sound muffled by his gloves. ”Thank you for that.”

”It was my pleasure.” Nick grins. They start walking again and Nick turns his head to look at Liam. ”We’re going to mine, yeah?”

Liam nods. ”Naturally.” That’s where their legs are taking them, anyway; Liam (and Louis) live in the other direction from the library.

When they get there, Nick puts music on first thing. It’s some whispery kind of indie pop, with soft guitars that fit the dull grey sky perfectly. Nick is brilliant.

”What do you think?” Nick takes a seat on the bed and pats next to him. 

Liam complies. He doesn’t know why Nick asks for his opinion on music, surely Nick is the expert here, but he always replies anyway. ”Atmospheric,” he says after he’s sat down across from Nick. ”I like it.”

Nick smiles, satisfied. ”Good.” He leans forward and Liam meets him in a kiss.

They keep talking about easy things, not doing much besides spending time together, and Liam feels comfortable. Their conversation about The Dark Knight has just lulled into a comfortable silence when Nick opens his mouth, takes a deep breath, then closes it again. Liam feels nervous. But what finally comes out is nothing like Liam expected.

”Why don’t you join the soc again?” Nick is fiddling with the bottom button on his shirt.

It’s not like Liam hasn’t considered it. He has. But… ”I’d feel weird going without Louis, is all.”

Nick clears his throat. ”Yeah, about that. He could come, too?”

Liam’s eyebrows shoot up. ”Really?” Nick nods. ”Does this mean you’ve forgiven him?”

It surprises him when Nick nods again. ”He didn’t know me then.” Nick sighs. ”And you’re not holding a grudge, so.” Liam feels warm. Nick keeps talking. ”You’re so… Sweet? I’ve never met anyone this sweet. I feel like I’ve learned something from you.”

He smiles gently at Liam. Liam is stunned. Nick is so cool, and older than him, and he’s claiming to have learned something from Liam.

”Thanks?” Liam feels his cheeks heating up.

”It’s the truth,” Nick responds easily. ”So, what do you think? Could you bring Louis?”

Liam wants to. God, he wants to. ”I’ll see what I can do.”

Nick smiles and moves closer. ”Thank you.” He puts his hand on Liam’s arm and Liam feels it in his entire body.

”Of course.” Liam speaks quietly, because Nick is even closer now. He leans forward and Liam kisses him. The kiss feels quiet, too, only Nick seems to be urging Liam to speak up. So he opens his mouth, and groans at the back of his throat when Nick bites down on his bottom lip. His hands find Nick’s chest, shoulders, neck, hair. He’s warm and smells like man and adventure.

They’ve had sex a few times by now, but it’s still new and exciting. They’re still getting to know each other’s skin and sounds. Liam has noted that Nick has a thing for nipples – his own as well as Liam’s – and Nick knows that Liam loves being opened up slowly, with careful tongue and fingers.

”You look like the ’hard fuck’ type, I’m surprised,” Nick had observed after he’d done that for Liam the first time.

Liam had felt a flash of embarrassment. ”Well, I’m not.”

Nick had patted his chest and smiled. ”I like you this way. It was just a silly appearance thing.”

They’d kissed and that had been that. Much like they are kissing now, Nick’s hands finding their way under Liam’s jumper, cold fingers on hot skin. Liam shivers and wants more, always.

When they’ve shed their clothes and found their way under the covers, because winter is still unforgiving, Nick stills. He’s got his hands on Liam’s shoulders and looks him in the eye.

”I have a something to tell you.” He looks serious. Liam holds his breath and tries to ignore that he’s hard. ”Today… I want to bottom.”

Liam breathes out in a smile. ”We can do that.”

Nick pulls him in for a kiss, affection in every press of his lips. Liam responds eagerly. There’s something about Nick that gives him a rush, always, even in a safe situation like this. It’s addictive.

He starts out slow, but it quickly becomes apparent that Nick isn’t fond of lengthy preparation. 

”Come on, get in, I don’t have all day.” Nick is trying to sound snappy, but Liam can hear the breathiness in his voice. He turns his head into Nick’s thigh and grins before squirting some more lube on his fingers and adding one more. Nick moans at the added pressure and Liam hopes he’s not dripping on the sheets too much.

Nick is a very energetic bottom. He grinds back onto Liam’s cock, pinches his own nipples, talks a lot, and at one point he pulls Liam in so he can flip them over and immediately start riding Liam. It’s overwhelming, but Liam’s hands find Nick’s hips, and he thrusts up to the best of his ability.

When Nick comes, all over Liam’s stomach, Liam can’t help but follow him. Nick slumps down and they regain their breath in a sticky embrace. It’s disgusting how little it disgusts Liam.

*

When Liam’s left Nick’s, and showered, he spends the rest of the evening with Louis. It’s when they’re about to say goodnight that he remembers what he promised Nick.

”Lou.” Liam is spooning Louis, nuzzling the nape of his neck. ”Nick asked for you today.”

Louis’ whole body tenses against Liam’s. The words that come out of his mouth are careful, like he’s forcing himself not to be hopeful. ”What did he say?”

Liam strokes his hand over Louis’ stomach as he answers. ”He asked me to re-join the LGBT Soc, and I said I’d feel weird going without you, and he said you should come too. So I asked if he’d forgiven you and he said yes.”

There’s a whooshing sound as Louis exhales. ”Okay.” He nods vigorously, almost knocking Liam’s nose in the process. ”Okay. Let’s do that.”

He squirms around to kiss Liam, and Liam doesn’t bother reeling his hopefulness in.

*

When the next Tuesday comes around, Louis is jittery. He’s abandoned his own wardrobe and is rummaging through Liam’s.

”Don’t you think my clothes are a bit big for you?” Liam does his best to sound calm, like he’s not nervous too.

”I’m not that small,” Louis snaps without looking up. ”My clothes all suck.”

”I think your clothes are perfect.” It sounds cheesy, but it’s true; Liam loves how Louis dresses.

”Thanks.” Louis’ voice is short, but Liam appreciates the effort it probably took him to be polite.

Finally, Louis decides on a light blue denim shirt that’s too big for him, over a white tank top of his own. He kept his own jeans on as well, which is probably good, because while Liam greatly appreciates boys who wear skintight jeans he’s not quite ready to join the club of squashed balls.

Liam deliberately kept his outfit from the school day, a simple t-shirt and jeans. He’s cool. He’s casual. He’s definitely not super nervous.

They walk into the room hand in hand, and Nick spots them immediately. He gives them a look Liam can’t decipher, then nods for them to take a seat. They’ve only just sat down, hands on the table now, when Jesy, Jade, and Leigh Anne storm in.

”Wow!” Jesy walks up to them. ”Long time, no see, ya bandits.”

Liam smiles awkwardly. ”Hello. How’s the music?”

Jesy grins. ”Brilliant, of course. Right, girls?”

Jade and Leigh Anne nod behind her. ”For real though, good to see you again,” Jesy adds, before sitting down.

”Welcome,” Nick’s voice booms. ”I thought today we could talk about fun things to do during the spring. Suggestions, anyone?”

Jade’s hand shoots up in the air immediately, but she starts talking before Nick has time to give her the floor. ”I want a picnic!”

Jesy and Leigh Anne clap their hands and Harry nods. ”That sounds fun,” he says. ”I wanna do karaoke again, since I missed it last time.”

Liam notices Louis’ arms pressing down harder on the table. Nick looks awkward. ”Okay,” he says. ”Picnic, absolutely. Does anyone else want to do karaoke again?”

Everyone except Louis and Liam cheers, so Nick nods and scribbles it down in his notebook.

Liam zones out after that, only vaguely aware of the chatter around him. He can’t hear Louis’ voice in it; he’s sitting unusually still, too. Nick casts Liam a glance every now and then, but Liam doesn’t know how he should react. Louis is right next to him.

After the meeting is over, Louis leans toward Liam to whisper. ”Wait for me outside, okay?”

Liam nods and walks out, after one last look at Nick. He’s closing his notebook and putting it in his bag with careful precision. One after another people seep out and walk past Liam outside the door. Harry gives him a friendly nod but doesn’t stay and chat. Thank god – Liam has no idea what he would tell him. Jesy smiles and waves before walking away holding Jade’s hand.

The time is half eight, and Liam can hear muffled voices through the door. It’s not loud enough to decipher tones, but it doesn’t sound like yelling.

Twenty minutes later, Nick and Louis exit at the same time. Nick stops when he sees Liam, and opens his mouth. Louis takes Liam’s hand and Nick closes his mouth again.

”Thanks for inviting us,” spills out of Liam’s mouth. He’s immediately embarrassed. It seems to lighten the mood, though, because Nick smiles.

”Thanks for coming.” He straightens his jacket out with a gloved hand. ”I better go, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

Liam nods, and in the corner of his eye he can see Louis do the same. ”Good night.” Louis’ voice sounds tranquil.

”Good night,” Nick repeats, and waves before he goes.

”Bye!” Liam shouts it a few seconds to late, but Nick turns around and waves again.

Louis shakes his head at Liam. ”Nerd,” he says fondly.

Liam gently butts his shoulder against Louis’. ”Shut up. What happened?”

It’s like Louis lights up. ”I apologised again.” He sounds proud. ”He forgave me.”

”I’m glad.” Liam squeezes Louis’ hand.

”Mhm.”

They walk back to Liam’s room quietly through the chilly night.

*

Somewhere in the merging of sleep and awake, Liam is jostled awake by two phones vibrating. Louis groans beside him. ”What is it,” he grumbles.

Liam reaches for his phone with confused limbs. It’s a message from Nick. He takes the liberty to pick up Louis’ phone too, and yes, he also has a message from someone Liam guesses is Nick (the contact says Handsome Devil).

”Nick texted us. I think.”

Louis sits up and rubs at his eyes. ”What, at the same time?”

”That’s what it looks like.” Liam hands Louis his phone and opens his own message.

**How would you lads like going for a drink with me this weekend? Xxx**

You lads. Plural. ”What does yours say?”

Louis silently shows his phone to Liam with a sleepy smile on his face. It’s the same message.

”He sent me the same.” Liam feels extremely awake. ”You wanna go?”

”I think so.” Louis’ smile falters. ”It’s not going to be weird, is it?”

Liam considers this as he rereads the message. Three kisses. ”I don’t think so.” 

Louis nods. ”I want to. Do you?”

”Yes.” Liam isn’t sure of much, but he’s sure of that.

*

In the few days between Tuesday, when Nick had texted them, and Friday, the day they’d agreed to meet up, both Liam and Louis are restless. Liam doesn’t see Nick during that time, either. He cuddles up with Louis in his room and they’re quieter than usual, both thinking about the person that isn’t there. When Liam goes to the gym and the library he tells himself things like ”love isn’t everything” and ”I exist without a relationship”. They’re technically true, but he doesn’t find himself convinced. It seems like the most important thing in the world.

Friday finds Louis yet again going through Liam’s clothes. ”I already wore the one shirt you own that isn’t hideous,” he complains.

”So wear your own clothes.” Liam’s nervous, too, and today he doesn’t have the patience to settle Louis down.

Louis shoots him a hurt look. ”Whatever.” He leaves Liam to his own fashion woes, presumably to look through his own wardrobe.

As Liam starts to look at his clothes a little closer, it becomes increasingly clear that Louis might be right. He owns no nice clothes. Fuck. He throws aside an embarrassing t-shirt with banana print and goes to Louis’ room, still in boxers and nothing else.

He finds Louis not much better, but he has put on a tight black t-shirt with the text ”bisexual wizard” on it.

”Nice top.” Liam isn’t exactly sarcastic, but somewhere in the vicinity of it.

”I thought Nick would appreciate me being political,” Louis explains. He starts pouting. ”Don’t you think so?”

”Of course he will,” Liam hurries to say. This side of Louis makes him feel all warm inside.

Louis turns to the closet again and comes up with a pair of blue jeans. ”I haven’t worn these in months!” He sounds happy. As he’s struggling to get them over his thighs, he looks up at Liam again. ”What are you doing here?”

”My clothes all suck.” Liam bats his eyelashes. ”I was hoping for a little help?”

Louis laughs. ”Oh, how the tables have turned.” But he does help Liam, and when they set off for the pub, Liam is wearing Louis’ biggest t-shirt. It’s tight on Liam, but Louis promised him it was working, so Liam feels good.

He feels even better when he sheds his jacket at the table where Nick is waiting and Nick’s eyes widen. He licks his lips, seemingly without realising he’s doing it, and Liam grins. Louis nudges his elbow. This is going to go well.

”I’m getting us drinks,” Louis announces loudly. Nick snaps his gaze away from Liam’s chest. ”What would you like?”

”I’ll get the next round,” Nick hurries to say. ”But a Sex on the beach would be nice, thanks.”

”Aren’t you forward?” Louis grins and Nick rolls his eyes. ”What about you, Payno?”

”Er, I don’t know, the same?” His cheeks feel warm. Nick is wearing that sheer shirt again, and his nipples look perky. It’s probably the cold.

When Louis walks over to the bar, both Nick and Louis look at his bum. They realise at the same time and turn to each other, bursting into giggles.

”What are we doing, Liam?” Nick sounds gleeful but nervous.

”I have no idea.” Liam feels light, though, like this might not be so complicated after all.

Louis returns with three drinks on a tray. ”You weirdos do realise this is a summer drink, right?”

He sits down and Nick and Liam share a glance. ”Fine.” Louis huffs. ”Don’t let me in on your season warp, that’s great.”

The sip he takes is petulant, and he’s clearly overdoing it, but Liam knows him. He puts a hand on Louis’ shoulder.

”Sorry.”

”Yeah,” Nick falls in, ”sorry, it was just, we had ice cream a few weeks ago. Seasons don’t bother us.”

Louis rolls his eyes, but Liam sees his shoulders relax. ”Whatever you say, weirdos.”

Liam lifts his glass. ”To summer!”

Nick laughs and raises his glass, but they don’t clink until Louis gives in and raises his too. ”To summer!” They repeat in a chorus, and then they drink.

It’s a nice drink, actually. Liam’s never had it before, but Nick clearly knows what he’s doing. The barmaid even put umbrellas in it and everything.

”She looked at me like I was nuts when I ordered,” Louis says when he’s swallowed. He shakes his head. ”Unbelievable.”

”Aw.” Nick’s voice is sarcastic. ”And you went through that for us?”

”That must have been really hard for you.” Liam puts an overly dramatic hand on his chest. ”Poor Louis. However will we make it up to you?”

Louis licks his lips. ”You know.”

Liam’s cheeks go red at the same time as Nick’s face falls. ”Er.” Nick shifts in his seat. ”Right.”

”Oh, sorry.” Louis looks like he wants to say something more, but he doesn’t. He takes a long sip, cheeks hollowing around the straw, and Liam’s face is hot. Maybe they shouldn’t have gone for summer after all. Liam could use some coolness right about now.

”Anyway.” Liam’s voice is unsteady. ”Let’s talk about something else.”

Nick nods quickly. ”Let’s do that.”

”All right,” Louis agrees. ”Nick, how’s dating Liam going?”

Liam nearly chokes. Nick looks around him, like he’s waiting for a doppelganger to come up and answer the question for him. The awkward silence at their table has almost reached the point where Liam would say something to defuse the tension, but thankfully it doesn’t come to that.

”Why do you ask?” He sounds on guard. Liam’s a little dizzy from how fast this conversation is jumping from emotion to emotion.

Louis puts his drink down with a clank against the table and rests his elbows against it, leaning forward. ”Let me put it this way. Do you miss me?”

Nick swallows roughly. For a moment Liam’s worried he’s going to choke. ”Yes,” he rasps. Liam’s stomach has already fallen when he adds, ”but I don’t want to stop seeing Liam, if that’s what you’re asking.”

”Thank you.” Liam whispers it, because this is not his conversation, but he needs to say it. Nick flashes him a short, nervous smile before looking to Louis again.

”I wouldn’t ask for that.” Louis sounds almost offended. Their drinks are gone by now, and Liam’s itching for something to do with his hands. He settles for tracing lines over the wooden table with his fingertips as he listens to Louis. ”Just, you know, maybe you could date both of us.”

Liam hears Nick’s intake of breath and has to look up. Nick’s eyes are fixed on Louis, who’s looking back at him like it’s a bloody staring contest.

”Liam.” Nick’s voice saying his name sounds warm and familiar. ”Do you want that?”

”Yes.” The word comes out swiftly. ”A lot.” He nods.

Nick smiles, but he still looks hesitant. ”I’m a little… overwhelmed. I’m just– How would that work?”

Louis pulls a note out of his pocket Liam didn’t know he had in there. ”Look at this website.” He slides the note over to Nick in a way that makes Liam realise why Louis as a teacher maybe isn’t such an outlandish idea. ”And think about it. We don’t have to talk about it anymore tonight. If that’s good with everyone?”

Nick takes the note and looks at it, forehead wrinkled, but he nods. So does Liam.

”Okay.” Louis claps his hands together. ”That’s enough seriousness for one night, I reckon. Now where’s that next round you promised?” He beams at Nick, and back is the fun-loving Louis that Liam knows so well.

”Coming right up.” Nick scrambles on his feet and squeezes the note into his pocket, then sets off for the bar. Liam notices Louis’ appreciative look at his legs working in the slight heel his boots have. This would be when Liam would get jealous, where he would have gotten jealous just a few months ago, but he’s far from it.

He’s buzzing, skin tingling with the possibility of getting everything he wants, and he has to pinch Louis’ thigh to get some of the energy out.

”Ow!” Louis looks at him, more amused than annoyed. ”What was that for?”

Liam shrugs. ”Just happy.”

Their next round, as decided by Nick, is a green drink Liam never gets the name of. It tastes sweet and a little sour and it goes very well with the restless energy and hope inside Liam. By the end of it, they’ve fallen into a kind of rhythm; Louis teases Liam, who teases back, Nick teases Louis, who teases back, and Liam interjects when he feels like it.

When they say goodbye, Liam doesn’t think before he gives Nick a goodnight kiss. He realises in the middle of it and freezes, breaks free and turns around to look at Louis. Louis has got his mouth open and a slight flush to his cheeks, and he meets Liam’s gaze with dilated pupils.

”Riiight,” comes Nick’s voice from behind Liam. ”Good night, then.”

”Good night!” Liam yells after him and Louis just waves, still silent.

”So was that all right?” Liam wants to hold Louis’ hand, and probably some other body parts as well, but he doesn’t know if he’s allowed.

Louis lets out a breathy huff of laughter. ”Yeah.” He sounds hoarse. ”Christ. Yes, that was brilliant.” 

And he reaches his hand out for Liam to take.

*

It’s been a whole twenty-four hours since they said goodbye to Nick and he hasn’t texted or otherwise contacted them. He accepted Louis’ Facebook request, but that’s it.

”Give him some time, Liam.” Louis grabs Liam’s shoulders and bends him away from his phone. ”It’s the weekend. He has a life.”

That’s annoyingly reasonable. ”Since when are _you_ the voice of reason?” Liam turns to look at Louis with his bottom lip pouting.

Louis laughs. ”Must be all that good influence from you, babe.”

Liam’s pout breaks into a smile. ”Must be.” He locks his phone and puts it down. Louis grabs his face with both hands and puts his forehead against Liam’s.

”I’m going to take your mind off things,” he whispers, and Liam’s skin buzzes with the promise.

*

Louis’ methods of keeping Liam busy are successful, but when he’s fallen asleep that night Liam lies awake for a while, imagining Nick hunched over his computer, scrolling the polyamory website with his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration.

He wakes up the next day to a text from Nick. It was received at 2.30 AM and the sentiment is simple.

**could we meet up and talk soon? Xxx**

Liam contemplates waking Louis up, but decides to respond to Nick first. **I’m free today if you want xxx**

As he sends he realises that maybe Nick wanted Louis to come, too. For some reason he assumed it was just him. Liam carefully unwraps himself from the covers so he won’t disturb Louis. His phone buzzes again.

**Me 2. Come over when ur ready? Xxx**

Liam starts putting clothes on and with one leg in a pair of jeans, sends back, **you meant just me and not louis right? Just thought id check haha**

He puts his other leg in and reads the response. **Yes just u if thats alright xxx**

Liam writes a note to Louis and puts on the pillow where he’d just been resting before taking off.

*

Nick looks tired when he opens the door. He’s just in boxers and a large t-shirt, and his hair is still sleep-soft. It’s almost noon, but Liam is newly awake too, so he’s not about to judge.

”Hi.” Nick squints at Liam. ”Come in.”

Liam takes a seat at the foot of Nick’s rumpled bed, and Nick mirrors him, sitting down by the pillow.

”So I looked at the website.” Nick looks at Liam for reaction, and Liam nods. ”And I guess I… Have some questions. That I wanted to ask you.”

”Okay.” Liam nods again. He wishes Louis was there.

Nick is fiddling with the covers, but he’s looking Liam in the eye. ”So how much would change, exactly?”

That’s a big question. Liam swallows. ”I don’t know.” He makes a pause. ”That depends on what we want, I think. Like, what everyone is comfortable with, and such.”

”That makes sense.” Nick blinks a few times. ”So what do you want, Liam? For example.”

Liam needs a moment to think about that. He feels like he’s hovering by the edge of the bed, like he could fall off it at any moment, but when he feels with his hands behind him there’s plenty of room.

”I mean, I already have a lot.” He gives Nick an unsure smile. ”I already get both of you. But I would very much like to see you at the same time.”

Nick smiles back, a tentative smile. ”Like last night? Or more… Sexual?”

A nervous laugh escapes Liam. ”I think both. Yeah. Both is good.” He can feel his cheeks redden as he looks Nick in the eye. Nick grins and nods. 

”What do you want, though?” That question makes Nick’s grin disappear.

”I’m not sure yet. I’m intrigued by all this, but I need more time.” Liam nods quickly. Nick can have all the time he needs. ”And I think I want to talk to Louis alone, too.” Nick looks at Liam with questioning eyes. ”If that’s okay.”

”Of course!” Liam gives another vigorous nod. ”I feel like this is all about what makes us happy? And like, comfortable. And you should ask for what you need. That’s important.”

Nick leans forward and takes Liam’s hand. ”You’re an incredible boyfriend. Did you know?”

Liam doesn’t know where to look, so he looks down on their hands. ”Thank you?”

”You need to stop thanking me for telling the truth.” 

Nick’s voice is gentle and Liam is so in love.

*

The rest of the Sunday is spent by himself. When Liam gets back to his room, Louis has left him a note in return, letting him know that he’s studying and not to interrupt. So Liam does the same, sits down at his desk and takes tired notes. He gives it up after about two hours, and when Louis finds him at night time, he’s in bed watching a film.

Louis curls up next to him and they don’t say much, falling asleep before they know it.

*

After the LGBT Soc meeting on Tuesday, Nick asks Louis to stay behind. Liam nods a silent goodbye to the both of them and leave them to it. He walks back to his room and tries to feel hopeful.

It doesn’t take him long to start worrying, though. What if they decide to date without him? Liam shakes his head. No. Louis is his best friend. He wouldn’t do that. Would he? Liam sighs and slumps down on his bed. It seems like ages ago he was in a similar position; wondering what Louis and Nick are talking about.

He doesn’t even try studying. Instead he searches for ”cute animals” on youtube, still in bed with his laptop balanced on his knees. When he laughs at a hedgehog wearing a flower crown, the computer wobbles. He clicks the next video with a smile still on his face. And then another video.

The time passes surprisingly quickly this way; it seems like two minutes have passed when Louis opens the door.

”Hello!” He sounds happy, and Liam’s focus shifts in a microsecond.

”How’d it go?” Liam puts his computer aside and sits up, leans forward.

Louis nods and walks in to sit down next to Liam. ”I think it went well. He said we should talk again all of us, but in general it seems like… Yeah.” His face breaks into the biggest grin and Liam feels giddy.

”Oh my God.” He can’t stop smiling. ”This is amazing.”

”Yep.” Louis strokes Liam’s forearm distractedly. ”Shit, I can’t believe this.” He laughs, the kind of laugh that’s out of happy disbelief. 

It’s a strong rush in Liam; the fantastical notion that they might actually pull this off.

*

Liam and Louis agree that it’s best to let Nick come to them, let him take the lead and not rush him. That doesn’t stop them from both talking to him about unrelated things. Liam sends him a selfie of him and Louis in bed, Louis with ruffled hair peeking out behind Liam’s bare shoulder. Nick sends back a row of heart eyes emojis. Liam thinks it’s a good sign. And it might have been, because the next day Nick sends them a simultaneous text again: 

**all right i’m ready to talk this out. When r u free? :) Xxx**

Liam and Louis look at each other and there’s a silent understanding that they’re free right fucking now.

It’s strange, going over to Nick’s with Louis beside him. The order Liam’s life has been in is about to change, and there’s the faintest hint of spring in the air.

Nick’s made tea. ”I made tea,” he says and sweeps his hand toward three cups, sitting on top of books on his desk.

”Thank you?” Louis phrases his thanks like a question. Nick nods, looking more at the tea than at them.

”Thank you.” Liam makes an effort to keep steady, and goes to take one of the cups. It’s hot and he has to force himself not to flinch.

”Have a seat.” Nick’s claimed a cup, too, and sits down on the floor. Liam does the same, and Louis follows.

”So.” Louis blows on his tea to cool it down. ”Whenever you’re ready.”

”Right.” They’re sitting in a little triangle on Nick’s washed out carpet, and Nick looks from side to side, like he’s not sure who to make eye contact with.

”It feels like we’re in a meeting,” Liam blurts out. Nick looks at him, surprised, and Louis laughs.

”The Liam and Louis and Nick Society.” Louis grins. ”I like it.”

Nick smiles then, too. ”Maybe it’s a bit long. Surely we could come up with a snazzy acronym or something.”

The air is vibrating with hope and nerves. Liam feels like he could touch it. ”So there would be something to, er, have an acronym for?”

The longest second in the history of everything passes before Nick nods. ”Yes, I have decided to accept my formal invitation to the LLN Society.” He laughs nervously. ”Provided the invitation still stands, of course.”

Liam feels like he’s about to float off from the floor and touch the ceiling. Louis laughs. ”Don’t be daft,” he says, but he can’t stop his face from looking delighted. ”Of course it stands.”

”Brilliant.” Nick meet’s Liam’s eyes, and Liam nods his confirmation even if it’s hardly needed. ”So, like, what do we do now?” He looks between Liam and Louis.

”We need some rules, probably.” Louis looks unsure. ”Anyone have anything?”

Liam clears his throat. ”I have a thing, actually.” Nick and Louis both turn to him, attentive, and he takes a deep breath. ”I’d like to ask you to never gang up on me, please.” They look puzzled, so he adds, ”like, even if it’s just banter. I think it’ll, er, trigger some bad memories, and I’d feel a lot safer if you didn’t.”

Louis’ face softens when he understands what Liam is referring to. ”Of course. None of that.” He nudges Nick with his elbow. ”Right, Nick?”

”Of course, yeah, yeah.” Nick nods vigorously.

A fondness spreads inside Liam, warm and safe like a security blanket. ”Thank you.”

The team leader in Nick springs to life, then. ”Should we be writing this down?”

Louis rolls his eyes, but Liam reaches out to touch Nick’s hand. ”If that would make you feel good, sure.”

Nick gets up and retrieves pen and paper from his desk, and on top of a blank page he writes ’LLN thoughts and guidelines’. He scribbles down an abridged version of what Liam had said, then rests the pen and paper against his knee and looks to Louis.

”Anything else?”

Louis takes a sip of his tea, exaggeratedly slow. If Liam knows him, he’s buying himself some time.

”I’d like to keep having one on one dates, sometimes.” His eyebrows are slightly lifted, making his face look open when he looks to Nick and then Liam. ”What do you think?”

Nick thinks for a second, but Liam has thought about this and knows his answer. ”I’d like that too, yeah. Nick?”

”Yeah, that seems good.” He pauses, pen hovering over the page. ”I don’t think a triad means that you can’t be with one of the persons alone. At least I don’t want it to mean that.”

Liam nods. ”Agreed.”

”Me too.” Louis nudges his knee against Nick’s notebook. ”So are you going to write it down, or?”

”Calm down, bossy.” But Nick smiles as he writes down the second thought slash guideline.

”What about you, Nick?” Louis leans closer to him. ”Any limits?”

Nick hums. ”I was wondering… We’re only sleeping with each other, right?”

Louis actually laughs. ”Haven’t slept with anyone outside the two of you since I met you, Nick. So, yeah.”

Liam nods. ”Don’t want to, particularly.” 

Nick is writing it down, when Liam remembers something he’s read. ”But these rules can change, if we want, we just have to talk to each other first.”

”Of course.” Louis huffs.

”Thank you, Liam.” Nick is gentle. Liam appreciates it. ”I’ll remember that.”

Liam nods. His tea is cold now, but he drinks it anyway, he needs to do something with all this restless energy.

”Do we have anything else?” Nick looks from Liam to Louis, face open and questioning.

Louis raises an eyebrow. ”Yes. I kind of want to kiss you right now.”

Liam hurries to swallow his cold tea. ”Same.”

Nick laughs delightedly. ”There’s plenty of me to go around.” He smirks, but he swallows thickly a second later.

Liam takes the initiative first, scoots over the little triangle to get closer, leans in and presses a light kiss to Nick’s lips. He smiles when he lets go, and Louis huffs impatiently behind him.

”All right, my turn.” But the hand he uses to move Liam aside is gentle and affectionate.

Louis takes his kiss to a dirtier place, puts his hands on Nick’s hips under his shirt and uses tongue. When they break loose, Nick and Louis both have a flush to their cheeks. Nick fixes his hair, and Louis reaches a hand to Liam. 

”Come here,” he says in a low voice.

Liam lets himself be reeled in and kissed by Louis. His mouth tastes faintly like Nick.

Three kisses. Liam smiles.

Then he reaches for Nick. ”Come.” Nick wraps his arms around both of them. And there it is; all Liam wants is right there.

*

Their first date as a threesome is a move night. Louis decides on Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and Liam and Nick don’t protest. They watch in silence, save for popcorn crunching in their mouths and muffled slurps of beer between salty lips, until the first Bucky flashback.

”You do realise the movie is literally called Steve: Bucky,” Nick points out.

Louis gasps and promptly shoves Nick. ”Shut up!”

Nick grins proudly. ”I know.”

Liam’s chest is so full he doesn’t know what to do except pinch Louis’ thigh.

”Ow!” Louis yelps. ”Thank you for that. I love you, too.”

Liam can see Nick roll his eyes.

When the movie is over, none of them feel like going to bed. Liam humbly suggests that they watch Gotham, ”just one episode”, and Nick votes yes. Liam looks to Louis, who pouts, but nods his assent.

Liam settles down on the floor beneath Nick, resting his head between Nick’s knees, and holds one hand on Louis’ socked foot. He can’t remember ever feeling this content.

Besides, Louis ends up liking it. His opinion might be influenced by Nick sucking him off halfway through, but Liam still thinks it counts.

*

The first time they have an actual threesome, they end up on the floor because there’s no way they’d all fit on the narrow beds. Liam hits his head on the desk, throwing it back while riding Nick, and Louis laughs in front of him. Nick’s mouth is occupied, but judging by the way Louis’ stomach tenses and his laughter is disrupted by his mouth stretching out in a silent moan, Nick is laughing too. Liam’s sitting still on his hips, still recovering from having hit his head, and leans forward to pinch Louis’ nipples. Louis moans out loud, then, and his cock dribbles a little pre-come which lands on Nick’s chest. Liam licks his lips.

It’s messy and intense and perfect. 

It’s April by the time the LGBT Soc get away on another karaoke night. Harry brings the alcohol on the bus that time, and it’s Bailey’s.

”It’s like liquid dessert!” He’s so excited about it, it’s contagious. Liam drinks happily. The drink is as smooth as his heart feels. Nick is next to him, with a hand on his thigh, and Louis is behind them, pulling Nick’s hair.

Nick lets him.

Just like last time, Jesy and Jade are the first to sign up. Louis heads for the bar right away and comes back with both hands around three glasses, and his wallet sticking out of his pocket. Nick drinks without asking what it is, and smiles when he’s swallowed.

”Good choice.” 

Louis sits down on Nick’s lap and nods. ”I know. I make only the very best choices.”

Liam is about to taste, but he has to laugh at that, and Nick does too. They exchange a glance across the table and Louis huffs. ”You know what I mean.”

They do, so they let him have it.

”What’s this drink, then?” Liam uses the straw to stir in the transparent liquid.

”Archer’s and lemonade,” Louis responds in a ’duh’ kind of voice. ”It’s spring, Liam, it’s time for fruity drinks and spontaneous decisions.”

Liam takes a sip and it tastes like summer. ”Lovely.” He smiles at Louis.

”I know.” Louis is resting his drink-free arm on Nick’s shoulder, and Nick’s free arm is around Louis’ waist. Liam’s boyfriends.

A couple of drinks later, when Liam feels intoxicated enough to sing, he leafs through the pages in the binder of songs available and immediately knows which song he’s going to sing when he sees it. He signs his name and the song and gets another peachy drink in the meantime.

When it’s his turn, the song starts in the first seconds of music, but Liam’s ready. He smiles quickly at Nick and Louis, only vaguely aware that there are other people watching him as well, before he sings the first line.

”Let the bough break, let it come down crashing.” Liam’s face is warm and so is his heart. He has to look away from Louis and Nick to be able to sing through his smile.

”Tell the world that we finally got it all right,” Liam sings. ”I choose you.”

He doesn’t sound great, but Louis and Nick are holding hands and beaming at him, and yeah. They finally got it all right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! x


End file.
